I thought I was so healthy until I interviewe a truly healthy mom…

As Elissa Goodman welcomed me into her home and offered me a freshly made romaine-celery-lemon juice, it felt so luxurious. And then I felt ashamed that it was probably, scratch that, it was most definitely the first serving of a vegetable I had ingested in several days.

Elissa was gracious when I called myself out in this way but also it was difficult for her to hide the micro-expression of horror in her eyes when she realized I wasn’t kidding. It’s bad. I have a kid who eats only chips, bread, fried food or sweets. I’ve tried, I’ve really tried. But it’s all he will eat. And I’m told it will change over time. As a result over the past few years, I’ve stopped eating as well as I used to.

Even when I get berries or veggies at the farmers market or the grocery, I don’t reach for them in the fridge. I have trouble eating healthy foods in the “winter,” too. I put winter in quotes because I live in Los Angeles. However, the change in temperature does make me want warmer, carb-y-er, comfort-y-er foods and sweets. I always gain weight between November and March. Then it tapers off because I want fresh foods more often.

Instead of shaming myself about it, I roll with it. I do eat well most of the time. I do shop at the farmers market and buy fresh foods and as Jules Blaine Davis taught me, I eat them as soon as I get home to start enjoying what will go bad soon. It’s when I wait that I don’t reach for it.

However, when I create a beautiful bouquet of fresh foods on the wood board I got from Jules (it’s shaped like a heart and I love it, it makes me so happy to use it) – I feel luxuriant and decadent and happy. Not guilty. Not like “I did so good. I ate well. Where’s my gold star?” either. It’s more of an act of true self-love. I choose things that look beautiful and alluring to me, I bring them home, I make them look beautiful and inviting on the board, then I enjoy what feels like a lovely indulgence.  Sometimes if I’m really lucky, my son will join me. But usually he just admires the beauty of the board, which is also enough. (And I sneak on some m&m’s so he will at least come over and reach onto it!)

So, even though most days I eat only hummus and chips, or bread and cheese. It’s all ok. I’m ok. And my kid is ok. The pediatrician says, “he keeps growing, so I think you’re good.” What a load-off. Because I don’t need another thing to stress about.

Be gentle with yourself. Eat things that nourish you. Cheese, bread, and chocolate counts, fyi.

I love you. Keep going.

Xoxo,

Jennifer