Often times when people learn about MILF Podcast, they ask me what prompted me to start a podcast. The short answer: the healing power of the feminine journey through story.
The long answer: I suffered alone through deeply painful postpartum depression, the worst of which was the torturous dichotomy of having a beautiful, perfect son whom I wanted so much and being so absolutely exhausted, filled with anxiety and dread, fearful every moment that I would either fuck up in some irreversible way or end up hurting myself because I hated myself so much for being this way.
Ultimately, when my son was 2 and a half, I got help. And I got meds. And therapy. And I came back to myself. But not really. I came into a new self. A self ever-changed.
I’d been through a trauma. An extended one. What I thought and hoped would be a blissful and seamless entry into motherhood was not.
I was a failure, in my mind, and a terrible mother who just didn’t “have it” like other moms did. I had made a terrible mistake and now my son would pay for it for the rest of his life. But when I got the help I so desperately needed, those thoughts shifted, changed, transposed, and I became a new kind of mom, a mom who is in the pain of raising a toddler and the constant barrage of need, but I had new ownership of myself. I had energy to spare, though a scant amount. I had curiosity back. I had desire back. Desire to open myself back to the world in a new way.
And about a year later, when I found myself in a pole dancing class, that opening led to another opening. I discovered my sensuality and sexuality anew.
Just a glimpse. I started taking the classes at this very special studio that wasn’t just about getting the pole tricks and choreography. The essence of this journey was much, much deeper. It led me to a side of myself, multiple dimensions actually, that allowed me to grow and blossom and realize that I wasn’t even a shadow of the girl I was before I had my son.
I realized I wasn’t happy in my marriage. I told my husband and we worked on it. Man-o-man, did we work on it. Then we realized the work wasn’t working and we separated, or consciously un-coupled. It was painful, but I had a newfound strength, I started writing again. I had started posting essays on Medium. Other moms came to me and wanted to talk about their struggles and victories.
Then I knew. I wanted to have a podcast that could reach thousands, and one day, millions of women to ease that state of isolation, at all stages of motherhood, all stages of womanhood for that matter.
I wanted to create a voice for our collective feminine stories, but in an intimate, one by one sort of way. Podcasting was it. It allowed me to have lengthy, un-timed conversations one-on-one with women of all ages, ethnicities, backgrounds, locations and to put those conversations in one place where other women could listen and feel like they were in the conversation, too. As if they were at the coffee table with us.
Why “MILF” Podcast?
The reason that I chose MILF (Moms I’d Like to Follow) as the title of the podcast is that as I went through this transformation, I discovered a powerful sensuality. And I found that as a mother, this sensuality was deeper and richer than before motherhood. I had assumed that post-baby you were done—you lost that sexual part of yourself. I thought that it wasn’t even an option to feel sexy AND have a child. But I’ve realized through the examples of other mothers I’ve witnessed (and through my own reclamation) that what’s available to us is so much bigger and more pleasurable than we can even see for ourselves.
I also like to push boundaries. I’m OK with people thinking that the name of the podcast is offensive. It creates conversation and connection!
MILF Podcast is a place where we can feel unity. We can feel that sex and sexuality isn’t something we need to choose to give or take to another, but something that is ours to play with as we like, with complete freedom from judgment, shame, and taboo.
This is why I am doing a LIVE MILF Podcast show on Wednesday, 7/24 in LA! Please join us if you can! It’s going to be magnificent. Learn more here.
If you’re reading this, I would gladly follow you into the trenches, if only to remind you that you got this. One day at a time. You got this. And I got you. We all got you.
Xoxo,
Jennifer
Photo credit: Kristina Lloyd
