Kate Bauer: There was a moment where I was like, "Okay, I'm feeling the sads." There was one day in particular where I was like I just was sad and there's nothing ... I had my baby. I've had a roof over my head. I had everything I could need and want and I just, yeah, I was really bummed out and I think that that sort of was like, "Okay, I think it's time to," in retrospect, that was my signal or my benchmark for, "You're okay to go back to work."
Jennifer Tracy: Hey guys. Welcome back to the show. This is MILF podcast, the show where we talk about motherhood, entrepreneurship, sexuality and everything in between. I'm Jennifer Tracy, your host. So excited about today's episode. We have Kate Grace Bauer on the show. She is President of Operations, how's that for a sexy title, of Ashley Longshore Art. I met Kate because I was friends with Ashley and I met Ashley who's just a phenomenal artist, very, very incredibly talented.
Jennifer Tracy: When I was living in New Orleans briefly, when my son was two and my husband at the time was working on a film and Marcy, my dear friend, who used to live there said, "Go visit Ashley at her studio. She'll entertain you in the baby," and I was like, "Okay." I was so in my depression, so in my postpartum depression still. My son was about to turn two and I was undiagnosed and untreated and just miserable and it was summertime.
Jennifer Tracy: I went to visit Ashley and she just showed me her paintings. I just would stand there looking at these phenomenal giant paintings of goldfish and Audrey Hepburn's profile and it was just her. It was just her in her studio back then. This was like eight years ago, almost nine years ago.
Jennifer Tracy: Now, her company has just exploded. A couple years after that, she met Kate and Kate started working with her and it's just I loved both of their stories. I really had wanted to interview Kate for a long time. We finally got it together and we got together online. She has a baby that's almost two now, Coco and if you follow her on Instagram, her handle is @kategracebauer, B-A-U-E-R. You will get to see a lot of Ashley Longshore Art but also a lot of Coco, who is just, wow. She is just really delicious.
Jennifer Tracy: It was such a fun conversation and we really got into it. We really got into it about maternal mental health. We got into it about being a working mom and balancing that and all of those things. Within that context also, I just want to add a little pitch for this month's a highlighted gift for MILF podcast, which is the Global Alliance for Maternal Mental Health. I chose them because I think what they're doing is so phenomenal.
Jennifer Tracy: It's a coalition of international organizations who are committed to improving the mental health and well-being of women and their children in pregnancy as well as the first postnatal year throughout the world. There's my child's in the background. He's having a play day. Anyway, this organization is really dope and what they're doing is amazing.
Jennifer Tracy: One of the things that they illuminated for me, which I kind of already knew but I love real facts, mental health problems in pregnancy and following childbirth are roughly twice as common in low-income countries as they are in high-income countries. If the United Nations sustainable development goals are to be achieved by 2030, maternal mental health must be prioritized. Check out their website. There's a lot of different resources that they offer. They have real life stories on video. It's really illuminating.
Jennifer Tracy: If there's any way that you can support them either by becoming a member or just promoting awareness around what they do, it's really helpful. Without further ado, here's my interview with Kate Grace Bauer. I really hope you guys enjoy it. I know you will.
Jennifer Tracy: Hi, Kate Grace.
Kate Bauer: Hello. How are you?
Jennifer Tracy: I'm so good. I'm so happy to see your beautiful face.
Kate Bauer: Same.
Jennifer Tracy: How's New Orleans?
Kate Bauer: It's good. It's so hot right now. [crosstalk 00:04:44] ...
Jennifer Tracy: It is, still? It's all global warming.
Kate Bauer: ... a cool down until like a week from now, I think maybe.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh.
Kate Bauer: I know, but we're just barreling through and dealing with it and turning the air down low and you know.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, doing what you do. You've been doing it all summer. Then, it's just part of it and the you get the glorious fall.
Kate Bauer: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: New Orleans' fall and winter and spring are so heavenly.
Kate Bauer: They really are. It's such a fun time because then there's like lots of ... There's a festival every weekend anyway. Everyone is excited to be outside and they're shopping and there's sports seasons. People are just super jazz.
Jennifer Tracy: It's magical.
Kate Bauer: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it there. It's a really special place.
Kate Bauer: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: Now, I feel like you're from here, from LA? Did I get that right?
Kate Bauer: I'm from New Orleans.
Jennifer Tracy: What? How do I think you're in LA?
Kate Bauer: I know, well, because I have an LA phone number and I just kept it all.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, that's why. You're here a lot.
Kate Bauer: I'm there a lot.
Jennifer Tracy: Not just for Ashley but you.
Kate Bauer: Exactly. I spend-
Jennifer Tracy: You have family?
Kate Bauer: Yes. I lived there for 10 years. I went to school out there. I did the early part of my 20s out there, which was so much fun. Both of my sisters live out there. I'm out there every few weeks.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, that's so nice.
Kate Bauer: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so nice and so nice for Coco to come and just be loved on.
Kate Bauer: Oh God.
Jennifer Tracy: Not that she's not loved on down there. I mean, that child is so scrumptious.
Kate Bauer: No, yes surrounded by-
Jennifer Tracy: Many aunties, yes.
Kate Bauer: Exactly. She's so spoiled out there.
Jennifer Tracy: You grew up in New Orleans?
Kate Bauer: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God. I never knew that.
Kate Bauer: I know, born and raised.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh wow, that's so great. It is really in you because I mean, New Orleans is one of those places and I had the opportunity to live there over, unfortunately, it was when I was married and my husband was shooting a film over the summer, that's when I met Ashley because of Marcy, because of our beautiful Marcy. I just talked to her today. It just was the worst time to be there but we lived right by Tulane and Audubon Park and he was two. He was Coco's age actually.
Kate Bauer: Oh my gosh. What a [crosstalk 00:06:56].
Jennifer Tracy: There was so much to do and so much to see. We would go and look at the ducks every morning.
Kate Bauer: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: I wish we would have been there when the weather was cooler though, because it's a great place to just be outside.
Kate Bauer: Yeah, it is, for sure. You all were here in the summer?
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. From June until, I think I went home maybe the end of August.
Kate Bauer: Oh God.
Jennifer Tracy: Just the worst time.
Kate Bauer: Yeah, it's the worst [inaudible 00:07:20].
Jennifer Tracy: The worst time. You grew up but then you went to college. Now, were you always interested in ... What were your interests growing up in New Orleans?
Kate Bauer: I was very interested, I loved dancing and I enjoyed theater. I was very much like I just was a fun, loving, life loving, bubbly person and still am.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, you are.
Kate Bauer: I went to school in Los Angeles for theater.
Jennifer Tracy: No way.
Kate Bauer: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: I didn't know that. Did you go to UCLA?
Kate Bauer: I went to Cal State Fullerton.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, fantastic. That's such a great school.
Kate Bauer: A great theater program [crosstalk 00:08:04].
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, they're known for it. They still do.
Kate Bauer: Yeah. I went there and had a fantastic time, met some amazing people that I'm still friends with and in contact with and just got on stage and did it. Then, I graduated and started to audition and realized how hard-
Jennifer Tracy: So hard. It's so hard.
Kate Bauer: It was.
Jennifer Tracy: It's so hard.
Kate Bauer: I was like, "No, I think I'd rather make money." [crosstalk 00:08:34] friend. I just did what you do in your 20s. I waitressed and I cocktail waitressed and I worked at the House of Blues, saw Prince, sort of really fun thing to do and just had a fun life as a 20-year-old in Los Angeles.
Jennifer Tracy: Then, what was next? Was it that you came back to New Orleans next?
Kate Bauer: Yeah. I graduated from college, came back to New Orleans briefly in 2005. Katrina hit.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh yeah.
Kate Bauer: So then we moved back out to LA and then stayed out there for another four or five years and did all kinds of fun stuff. I was a nanny and I helped my sister open her clothing store. I did marketing and consulting. Then, I moved back to New Orleans 10 years ago and was the marketing director for a huge music venue down here and that for a while and then had a brief period where I was just sort of finding myself and deciding what I wanted to do and then I subsequently met Ashley and started working with her. That was six or seven years ago.
Jennifer Tracy: That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah, I remember when you came on board and it was a really exciting time for her company. I mean, I feel like it was maybe just the two of you at the time?
Kate Bauer: It was. It was a very ... It was the two of us and then we had another intern that helped us with the bedazzling and stuff like that. Then, it just kind of exploded into this global phenom.
Jennifer Tracy: It's a beast. It's a beast. It's a beautiful, beautiful, bedazzled, bold and unafraid beast. Wait a minute, all of this stuff, what's so interesting, this is fascinating, you and I have so much more in common than I even realized, all of the stuff that you did including your theater, including the waitressing and cocktail and all of them, that really prepared you to be the Director of Operations for Ashley Longshore Art.
Kate Bauer: Yes. I mean, I think so. It's like you never exactly know where, I mean, in your 20s, you just and I only know this because I work with a bunch of 20-year-olds and it's such a hard time. I mean, as great as it is, your skin is really tight, there's no [crosstalk 00:11:05].
Kate Bauer: I mean, you don't get hangovers or if you do, you just plow through them, fantastic but also the lack of [crosstalk 00:11:17].
Jennifer Tracy: Oh yeah, no, it's brutal.
Kate Bauer: Knowledge and what you're doing with your ... I mean, there is [crosstalk 00:11:23].
Jennifer Tracy: You couldn't pay me to go through it again.
Kate Bauer: You never. I would never go back. Yes, but all of those little nuggets of like, "Oh, I'll figure out how to do this and I'll master that. I'll master how to create a website because I might need to know how to do that or I'll master how to make a PDF because I don't know, I might need you to know how to do it.
Jennifer Tracy: Totally. Gaining skills, yeah, totally.
Kate Bauer: [crosstalk 00:11:44]. Yeah, gaining skills, filling your peripheral bowl with customer service and knowing how ... I mean, I just think to me, it's like working in the service industry is just part of growing, just living. Knowing how to deal with a customer who is just a bitch or [inaudible 00:12:06] Ashley because they [inaudible 00:12:10] whatever and how to turn it and make them happy is so ... There's no better feeling to me. That's just, it really did and like you know being in theater and being able to put on different hats and be different roles and ...
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Kate Bauer: ... Adapt to your surroundings is like super necessary.
Jennifer Tracy: It really is. It's crucial. It makes it so that you can, I mean, in my experience and I was and I've just watched you. You are very graceful, which is why it's so interesting that part of your name is grace but you can let things roll off.
Kate Bauer: Yes, 100%, 100%, it's definitely the idea of sort of having an experience and learning from it and even if you pocket it and you're like, "Okay, I'm not exactly sure what the lesson is that I learned just now but I know that there is some lesson in there." If you just pocket it and let it grow on its own, it will absolutely come back full circle. You'll be like, "Oh my God, that's what that really hard little bump was. That's why I had to like sob and cry about that because I needed to flush that out emotionally and I'm in this new place and I've learned X, Y and Z from it.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes and that only comes with age.
Kate Bauer: My God. I know it.
Jennifer Tracy: Unless you're like ... The two exceptions I always say are Leonardo DiCaprio and Gwyneth Paltrow. I think they just came out of the womb completely like evolved, at least on-screen. I'm like I watched ... I remember and even in my 20s, I would watch their performances and go, "What? How are you so deep?" I think don't care but it's very rare. Somewhere along this journey, you met your husband or did know him?
Kate Bauer: No.
Jennifer Tracy: No, okay.
Kate Bauer: The funny thing is, is that we both grew up. We were born and raised in New Orleans but we didn't know each other growing up, which is very uncommon because New Orleans is a very-
Jennifer Tracy: It's small, yeah.
Kate Bauer: It's a small town. He went to Jesuit, which is the all-boys high school and I went to Sacred Heart, which is the all-girls high school. Our schools hang out even though we're three years ... I'm three years older than him but we just never knew each other growing up. When I moved back here 10 years ago, it's funny because I was doing the marketing directing for this music venue and he's a songwriter. He had a show coming up. I went to go meet him and met him at this the Po-Boy Festival or whatever and thought he was a total asshole.
Jennifer Tracy: Really? No way.
Kate Bauer: I was like, "Who does this guy think he is?" All this stuff and then our paths kept crossing and more and more of our mutual friends kept saying, "I really want you to meet this guy. I really want you to meet this girl." We were like, "Oh well, that's great because we've already met each other." We were halfway already there. Yeah, then 10 years and a wedding and a baby later, here we are.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my gosh. Well, so wait a minute, what happened that you met him again and suddenly didn't think he was an asshole? What changed?
Kate Bauer: He was [inaudible 00:15:34]. To his credit, he was just coming off stage and as any performer knows, once you sort of exit the stage, generally speaking, you sometimes need a minute to decompress and just absorb and just shed everything that has just happened ...
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Kate Bauer: ... On stage and I literally came up to him like 110% like, "Hey, what's up? My name is Kate and listen, I'm doing the show and da, da, da." He was just like, "Yeah, okay what? Fine, whatever." Was very not-
Jennifer Tracy: Timing, the timing wasn't good, yeah.
Kate Bauer: I was awful. When we subsequently put on this event and he realized how dedicated I was to sort of the execution of just my type A personality and my perfectionism really like ... I think I even was like, "I want to make sure the green room is spectacular for him," because I just want him to know that he's just that I'm a really great person, all these things. He kind of was like, "All right. She's amazing." Then, our paths kept crossing and we went out for Thai food and literally the rest is history. I was like staying at his house a couple of days later and [inaudible 00:16:54].
Jennifer Tracy: Within that, you were already with him when you started working for Ashley?
Kate Bauer: Yeah, totally, mm-hmm (affirmative).
Jennifer Tracy: Just for my listeners to catch up in case I didn't say this in the intro, which I will. What I'm still talking about is Ashley Longshore, the amazing artist and we'll have links to her work obviously in the show notes of this. Okay, then you started working for Ashley and how ... Coco's almost two or she's-
Kate Bauer: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God.
Kate Bauer: She's two.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God.
Kate Bauer: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: What I want to really ask you about is you started working for Ashley and in that time since you started working for her, which is what, seven years ago you said?
Kate Bauer: [crosstalk 00:17:36] six or seven, I can't even remember.
Jennifer Tracy: The business that you have all created, based on Ashley's genius but that you guys because I know I've either met most of the team know the team, it's a big team now.
Kate Bauer: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: We said at the beginning of the podcast it's a beast but somewhere in there, you got pregnant. How was that, like running this probably big, growing, growing, growing company, getting pregnant and having a baby, what was that like?
Kate Bauer: I have to say it was pretty amazing and I just, for the record, Ashley is an unbelievably kind and caring leader and boss especially when it comes to empowering women, holding them up and also just surrounding herself with empowered women. It always, from the very beginning, even before I got pregnant, there was lots of conversations because I've always ... Ashley and I have a very transparent relationship and we've always just it was like, this was what I want for my life and I know that I want to be a mother and I will in all likelihood still be working with you. That's going to happen. It was always part of the conversation.
Kate Bauer: As soon as I got ... I mean, literally, I think I held back from maybe seven weeks before I told her. I couldn't bear to and also I was feeling shit.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, oh yes.
Kate Bauer: When you work with these people for eight hours a day every ... I spend more time with these women than I spend with my own family. They know when something's not right. Anyway, it was always this very happy sort of when you get pregnant, this is what's going to happen and you'll get maternity leave and it will be paid [crosstalk 00:19:30]. It was very ... I knew it was a nurturing and very comprehensive and well-planned out experience. I hope I want that for every woman in the world and in the workforce because ...
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, halleluiah.
Kate Bauer: ... It's so important for me because it's such a cherished time. That baby needs you. Working, being pregnant, thank God I wasn't horribly sick. I didn't suffer from morning sickness or anything like that. My pregnancy was a breeze. I loved it. It was beautiful and perfect and I took pictures of my belly and I just loved every second of it. I was exhausted the first trimester but everybody is.
Kate Bauer: I get up in the morning, have my little cup of coffee that I could, go to work, work an entire day, come home and go to sleep. That's what that was and then I literally worked up until, I mean, I think I was still selling art in the hospital, like when we're like [crosstalk 00:20:37].
Jennifer Tracy: I could just see you.
Kate Bauer: Walker into the hospital room.
Jennifer Tracy: You were taking calls from collectors.
Kate Bauer: Really, you have to turn on your [inaudible 00:20:48] notification, like you will have to.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that.
Kate Bauer: I mean, when you love what you do, it doesn't ever yeah leave you. Yeah, and then I had Coco and everything was ... We went to visit the gallery like a week after she was born and just say hi to everybody and now it's been sort of like, my colleague Rachel now has a seven-month-old. We've got two babies in the gallery now and it's super friendly. I mean, usually we have them in there on Friday mornings or Friday afternoons. If we have to have them with us during the day, that's fine. I mean, thankfully we have a team of 30 mostly women but some men people that are just the most nurturing, empathic, beautiful, wonderful, caring people.
Jennifer Tracy: That's incredible.
Kate Bauer: It's a true village and if I need to bring Coco with me, she comes with me and I've got a team of people that will help her, help me if I need to get you know 27 emails out in an hour, then she's there and she can be watched and I get those emails out.
Jennifer Tracy: That's incredible. When she's not with you, where is she?
Kate Bauer: She's at home. We have some help at home. Thank goodness. She's got my friend, Toy and my other friend Madeleine who watch her and take her to the zoo and take her to her story time and her gym class. I mean, I wish I was Coco sometimes.
Jennifer Tracy: No kidding.
Kate Bauer: [crosstalk 00:22:34] and the clothes.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God, her wardrobe is enviable.
Kate Bauer: It is, exactly.
Jennifer Tracy: I will never forget, I wish I would have screenshotted it, there was this one and it was writing dirty, was that inspired by you originally?
Kate Bauer: The toes?
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah or was that Ashley's foot?
Kate Bauer: That was Ashley and most of those feet are Shannon's. One of them was mine.
Jennifer Tracy: One of them was yours. Okay. Those are Shannon's. I didn't know that.
Kate Bauer: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: There was one photo you did of Coco and for our listeners, it's writing dirty, Ashley Longshore's definition of writing dirty is when you're wearing sandals and your pinky toe is sticking out of the side of the sandals. Oh my God, I love mind so much. I can't even handle how much I love her.
Kate Bauer: I know. I know.
Jennifer Tracy: You have taken a photo of Coco's little baby foot with the pinky sticking out of the sandals. It was so cute.
Kate Bauer: It was really funny. It just, I know. She cracks me up.
Jennifer Tracy: She is a character.
Kate Bauer: Yeah, she is and she's coming into her personality. She's 21 months. JM and I joked that she's three months away from us just being able to say she's two because honestly we're like the 22nd but it is, it's crazy how much they develop, months and day-to-day.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God, it's so fast. It's so fast and yet sometimes doesn't it feel like, oh my God, it's long?
Kate Bauer: Girl, yes.
Jennifer Tracy: Where you're just like, please sleep. Please sleep. I love you so much but please don't, I just ...
Kate Bauer: I just need you to take [crosstalk 00:24:12].
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God. Did you experience any postpartum stuff?
Kate Bauer: I don't think that I did. I mean, well, I had C-section, which was unexpected and super traumatizing. It just was unexpected ...
Jennifer Tracy: Of course.
Kate Bauer: ... and so I think that in turn made it traumatizing.
Jennifer Tracy: Of course.
Kate Bauer: If you prepared for it, it's probably not a big deal but when you're thinking ... Even though as a woman, as a mother, you're like, "Whatever way they'll be healthy, I'll be fine with." When you think you're going to have a natural birth and then it takes this immediate turn, you're kind of like, "What? No." [crosstalk 00:24:56].
Jennifer Tracy: Of course, and cesareans are no joke. I mean, that is a major, major surgery.
Kate Bauer: It is and I didn't realize that. I can't believe [crosstalk 00:25:05].
Jennifer Tracy: Well, nobody tells you.
Kate Bauer: No, no. They don't talk about that. They've always [inaudible 00:25:10] in what to expect. They literally are, "Oh, in the C-section they cut you ..." I didn't want to take the pain killers and my doctor was like, "Take the fucking pain killers." Don't skimp on those. You've had a major surgery. You need pills but all that to say, I was sort of reeling from it, post after she was born, I literally I've never felt a kind of high like that in my life, just that overwhelming it's a little bit of Percocet, it's a little bit of you just love, it's a little bit of sleeplessness and mania and all that rolled into one and I was just like, "Oh my God, this is unbelievable. This is fantastic."
Kate Bauer: I think that by the third month, because like I said, I did get a full 12 weeks paid maternity, I definitely, there was a moment where I was like, "Okay, I'm feeling the sads." There was one day in particular where I was like I just was sad and there's nothing ... I had my baby, I've had a roof over my had, I had everything I could need and want and I was really bummed out and I think that that's sort of like, I think it's time to, in retrospect, that was my signal or my benchmark for you're okay to go back to work. Even though I also was super anxious about that because I was, "Oh my God, I'm leaving my newborn with someone that I literally just met three weeks ago and I don't know what that's going to be like."
Jennifer Tracy: Right, did you have at that time a daycare situation or a caregiver?
Kate Bauer: No, we had a nanny. Our nanny Madeleine.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay, but they were new to you at that time?
Kate Bauer: Yes, of course, yes. They were new. It was my baby, my brand new baby and it also was like I don't know how my brain is going to work. How is my brain? Is it actually going to go back and work the way that it worked before when I didn't have this thing living outside of my body that I love more than anything in the whole world but as far as having postpartum anxiety or depression, I didn't really ever experience that. Thankfully, but I do also, I'm also very sensitive and very aware of the way that my body changes. I'm aware of my menstrual cycle and I know that I have anxiety, premenstrual anxiety ...
Jennifer Tracy: Me too.
Kate Bauer: ... I just know that about myself. When I start to feel those things and I feel my brain chemistry doing that thing, I'm like, oh wait, what's today? Oh wait, all right, it's 28 days from blah, blah, blah. After that, I feel like the world is going to end.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Yes. The hormones are no joke.
Kate Bauer: They're not.
Jennifer Tracy: I mean, they just really are no joke and I don't know what your experiences. We're going to find out. Most women who give birth, whether it's cesarean, by cesarean or vaginally, I feel like of all the women I've talked to in general but on the show specifically, there's just this sort of you stay in the hospital, whatever it is the requisite one day, two days, three days and then they just hand you a pamphlet, they had you your baby, and they're like, "Bye. Here's your underwear with a net mesh to keep the blood from," then they're like, "Bye, you're good."
Jennifer Tracy: If you have a cesarean, you get a checkup after maybe a week or something and then again, they're like, "Bye." There's no ... I'm like are you guys kidding me right now?
Kate Bauer: I'm feel like it takes more time to lease a car than have a living, breathing child. I literally [inaudible 00:29:17] dealership it felt like 73 hours. This was like, "Why am I still here?"
Jennifer Tracy: You have to sign all the stuff and they have to make sure that you understand it and they have to check your credit but this is just like, "Oh, you're good to go." I feel like there's not enough check up on the moms, on them physically, on them emotionally and mentally. There's just not enough follow-up and I don't know why that is. It's frustrating to me and I'm ultimately I don't know, I want to do something about it. I don't know what that's going to look like.
Kate Bauer: It's so interesting because I do too, 100%. I'm with you. I don't understand why there isn't more of a conversation or why it isn't more illuminated and it is something absolutely that I'm championing. Everyone that I know that I interact with is either becoming a mom or is a mom or whatever, I literally am just always and there to say that is 100% fine. That's exactly what you should be feeling.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Kate Bauer: Here's the name of a group of therapists that you can go see or you have to have a black robe in the hospital. That should be in your head. Nobody told me that. I literally didn't know I was going to be bleeding for three weeks. I can't believe it. I'm trying to constantly just ... Because there is such a, especially now, when you have this thing at your fingertips that is a wealth of knowledge but also wealth of scrutiny and I'm talking about your cellphone.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, yes.
Kate Bauer: They're this thing that connects you to the world in a superficial way but that you like feel so intimate with because it's such a small space and it's in your face and next to your being. There's so much insecurity that comes with like, "Oh my God, wait, why is that ... That baby is eating already but mine is not eating?" Is the xanthum gum really going to kill them and give them cancer? There's literally [inaudible 00:31:31]. I just feel like and I know that this is a common thread and it sounds cliché and women need to uphold women but it's just true. I just genuinely in every fiber of my being believe that we, as women, need to just be like, that is okay.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Kate Bauer: It's okay that your baby had a chocolate chip cookie for dinner because they wouldn't eat anything else.
Jennifer Tracy: One hundred percent.
Kate Bauer: It's okay. It's something that I constantly have to tell myself and that's why I feel like I need to tell others too.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, agreed, agreed. I think too it's okay to feel not just about your kid but feel those feelings about yourself or feel those kind of what like what you were saying you can get into that comparison and then for me, I mean, I was in horrible postpartum depression for the first two and a half years of his life.
Jennifer Tracy: Guilt, just tremendous guilt that I wasn't it doing it right, that I wasn't enough, why was I so sad all the time, why wasn't I more grateful at this beautiful child who's perfect. It's just, oh my God. Then, as he got older and things started to get revealed, like when he was two and a half, this woman at a preschool that we didn't even [inaudible 00:32:57], she's like, "Oh, he needs speech therapy. This is serious. This is serious."
Kate Bauer: Oh no.
Jennifer Tracy: Well, I just wept and wept and wept. We took him to speech therapy. Of course, therapist at $500 an hour was like, "He needs sessions and sessions."
Kate Bauer: Oh my God.
Jennifer Tracy: Thankfully, we came to New Orleans. He wasn't even two yet. We came to New Orleans and we had my sister-in-law and her new husband come out and he's a child psychologist. Long story short, he said, "Jennifer, please stop. This child is going to be talking nonstop in six months. Do not worry." He was in his late 60s and had been a child psychologist his whole life. He's like, "That is insane and offensive that that woman did that to you. She's not even a doctor." Everyone's like so into just being alarmist. Just let him grow."
Jennifer Tracy: Sure enough, six months in, couldn't shut him up, thankfully. He's still talking but it's so interesting how there are those people too, the one I chimed in about, "Don't do this or do this. Your kid should be doing this and blah-blah-blah." I was like, "Oh no, no, no, no. It's hard enough. It is hard enough."
Kate Bauer: Yes 100% and just to be totally honest, I see a therapist and I'm working on about the ... Because I don't want to just come off as though like, "Oh no, I was totally fine. I had this baby and I didn't have any ... There was no anxiety." I mean, no. That's not at all the truth. Every new mom, I think, has some amount of anxiety and trepidations about having-
Jennifer Tracy: Of course, of course and not to mention the hormones that are happening.
Kate Bauer: Oh, perfect.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, that's what I mean about the aftercare, I feel like, I mean, I never talk about politics on this show because it's too much but ...
Kate Bauer: [inaudible 00:34:52]
Jennifer Tracy: ... it would be incredible if there were some kind of program, maybe government, maybe not, whatever, but like the new mom's got a year of therapy.
Kate Bauer: Oh my God.
Jennifer Tracy: You know what I mean?
Kate Bauer: 100%.
Jennifer Tracy: With an experienced therapist dealing with maternal mental health. It is just, just totally free and available to you. Bring your baby. If you have older kids, there's childcare. I mean, this is the kind of thing I dream of opening up. I don't know how I would do that but ...
Kate Bauer: I know [crosstalk 00:35:23].
Jennifer Tracy: ... I really do.
Kate Bauer: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: We need this kind of thing the isolation that I felt, I mean, that's why I started the podcast because the isolation and solitude and just self-loading that I felt, honestly, was so crippling and I felt so robbed of those early joyful times with my baby. It wasn't all like that. There were many moments and I'll go back and look and I'll see little videos of us giggling together.
Jennifer Tracy: There were positive moments but I wish I would have more of a community that I could have gone to and I wish I could have gotten help sooner for my depression. I still see my therapist and I still take meds. I'm the first person to openly talk about that and I talk about it in the podcast.
Kate Bauer: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: I think it's just so, anyway, thank you for saying that.
Kate Bauer: Of course, I luckily found a therapist through my husband, who also was a child psychologist. He understands where we are with Coco and her development but also he's just an amazing human and person and has been helping me just expose and unearth, cultivate so much that cognitive behavioral therapy is I literally don't know I would be in a hole somewhere without it.
Kate Bauer: Also and yes to prescription medication, if you need your Prozac or your Klonopin or whatever, I fully or your meditation or whatever you're ...
Jennifer Tracy: Whatever is going to make you feel fucking better.
Kate Bauer: Whatever your [crosstalk 00:37:08]. Exactly, like do that.
Jennifer Tracy: Because happy mommy equals happy kiddo.
Kate Bauer: 100% and yeah, [crosstalk 00:37:18].
Jennifer Tracy: Spouse and all the other stuff, yeah.
Kate Bauer: Friends, your support system, your boss, your mother-in-law, whatever, get just as, because there is no way to do this alone.
Jennifer Tracy: No.
Kate Bauer: I mean, I just feel like there has to be we're all in this together and this network is just necessary.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh yeah. It's crucial and that's where the phone, believe me, I curse the phone all the time and I had an interview with a woman yesterday and we probably spent 20 minutes talking about that goddamn iPhone, no, not iPhone, I shouldn't say, Apple I love you but cellphones, our kids with their devices which you are not there yet. One day you will be.
Kate Bauer: No, I totally am.
Jennifer Tracy: Are you?
Kate Bauer: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Tell me about it. Tell me.
Kate Bauer: She was gifted an iPad for Easter and I would never, ever, ever have purchased that for her ever like in a million years. I mean, she would ... My thing was, "Yeah, you can watch old videos of us, of yourself that I've taken of you," which is awful narcissistic and fantastic. Anyway, I kind of cursed the gift and then we had to take ... Then, we're getting on a plane two days later.
Jennifer Tracy: It sure does come in handy. Oh yeah.
Kate Bauer: Okay, I see what this is for. We were going all the way to LA and it was freaking four-hour plane ride. She's a toddler. She wants to walk and do, yeah. [crosstalk 00:38:53].
Jennifer Tracy: It's like a blessing and a curse. It's really both.
Kate Bauer: Oh my God, yes.
Jennifer Tracy: For all of us at all ages.
Kate Bauer: Yes, 100%.
Jennifer Tracy: What I was going to say is just that it is that, it's a blessing and a curse and it's for me, it's allowed me to create a community that I would have created it otherwise. I just would have had to do it locally here in LA with only women that could come to my home or we would meet in a place but to be able to do this on this scale on a weekly basis, has just been, I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful and it's not me. I always say this, it's really not me. It's just this, it's all of you guys, all of the amazing guests that I have and all of the people that support the show and listen to it and write to me and want to get involved. I'm just, if that's what came out of my pain of being just this really desperately lonely, sad new mom, grace, it was worth it. It was worth it.
Kate Bauer: How beautiful. That's your lesson.
Jennifer Tracy: I do want to open that center.
Kate Bauer: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: Right?
Kate Bauer: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: Free therapy.
Kate Bauer: Have you been to the Den Meditation Center?
Jennifer Tracy: Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Kate Bauer: Girl, it's great.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, I see something like that. That's a great business model.
Kate Bauer: Yes. I know.
Jennifer Tracy: Something like that for moms, there would totally be childcare. Oh girl, you got my business wheels spinning.
Kate Bauer: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: We could do it everywhere. We could it nationally.
Kate Bauer: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay, we'll talk, we'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. Your daughter is coming up on her two-year birthday, which is so sweet. She's just the most adorable thing. You guys, listeners, well, hopefully click on all the things and you'll follow Kate Grace on her Instagram so you'll get a daily dose of Coco, who is just so delicious.
Jennifer Tracy: What's next for you? I mean, more Director of Operations? I love saying that. I love saying that title. It's fun.
Kate Bauer: Yeah, there's more world domination. I work with Ashley and we are, like we said, I've been with her for seven years and growing the company from one place to this amazing other place, which is a multimillion-dollar company and it's unbelievable.
Jennifer Tracy: It's so rad.
Kate Bauer: There has been a lot of blood, sweat and tears and hard work and sleepless nights and it's all freaking worth it. It's amazing. I mean, I have to step aside and extract myself from time to time and really look at us from a 30,000-foot perspective because it is amazing.
Kate Bauer: Ashley would even say to herself, she's like, "I'm a self-taught artist from Montgomery, Alabama." The odds are not that this would have happened but she is an amazing entrepreneur. She has a brilliant vision. She's very true to herself and she speaks her truth on a daily basis. It is just who she is and the world just loves that.
Jennifer Tracy: It needs more of it.
Kate Bauer: Yeah, exactly. Being a part of it has been really not only transformative but enlightening and also empowering. I mean, who would have thought that we're here and she's got her Rizzoli coffee book coming out in October.
Jennifer Tracy: Which I just preordered.
Kate Bauer: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: By the time this airs, that will be out in, again, all of this will be in the show notes for listeners and it's a very affordable, it's gorgeous. I haven't seen it in person yet but I saw the email and it's an affordable way to get some Ashley Longshore in your life and have it on your coffee table and experience her and her other book, You Don't Look Fat, You Look Crazy. I have and that's another way you can order that online.
Jennifer Tracy: One of the things I love most about Ashley is how she says, she tells women, "You don't need a man, number one, to pay your bills.
Kate Bauer: That's right.
Jennifer Tracy: You don't need to put your work in a gallery. She's like sell directly to your people, whether you're an artist or not. I just love that and it's so empowering and I have to say, I'm an independent podcaster. Everything comes down to me. I have a team that I could never do this without and I'm so grateful for them but they all work for me. I don't work for some of the big conglomerate companies that I won't name, well I mean, I guess I could name them because I don't work for them but iHeartRADIO, Sirius FM, Voxnow. I love that because I get to make all the decisions and choose things and choose sponsors.
Kate Bauer: Exactly.
Jennifer Tracy: Create products that help women that create products in a way that is supportive of the Earth. Those things are really important to me and I get to make those calls. I always hear Ashley's voice in my head of like, "Girl, mm-mm, you make the call."
Kate Bauer: She is one of the most amazing businesswomen I've ever seen, business person. I mean, fuck gender. That's just the truth of it and being able to be around her and with her and just learn, it's been really spectacular. It's better than any business school you could ever go to. You know what I mean? Being there to fully experience in and help execute deals and collaborations and fly to Shanghai and do global press conferences with huge companies. I would never in a million years have though I would have met Gloria fucking [crosstalk 00:44:48].
Jennifer Tracy: I know. Could you talk a little bit about that story? I want to hear about that experience.
Kate Bauer: Well, she just is amazing. I mean, she, Diane von Furstenberg, Sandra Campos, who is the president of DVF, just these women that are just unbelievably talented, beautiful, honest, authentic women [crosstalk 00:45:11].
Jennifer Tracy: Also, Ashley, I'm sorry to interrupt you, these women are all completely unapologetic.
Kate Bauer: No, oh my God, no [crosstalk 00:45:19].
Jennifer Tracy: They do not give a fuck.
Kate Bauer: No, you cannot apologize. I'm sorry. Women are not allowed to apologize anymore for anything ever again because it's just it should be eliminated from our entire vocabulary.
Kate Bauer: We were at DVF doing the insole for Ashley's inspiration room at the flagship location in Meatpacking District in New York.
Jennifer Tracy: That was last spring, right?
Kate Bauer: Yeah, exactly.
Jennifer Tracy: I remember watching it happen.
Kate Bauer: [crosstalk 00:45:49]. We were sitting in the hallway just talking to Luchia, who's one of her amazing planners and Gloria walks by us in the hallway and we literally all were just like, "Oh my fucking God, oh my God." [inaudible 00:46:12] she'd gotten to the elevator but then we just literally became like a bunch of fangirls and freaked out and then they came downstairs and Diane was like, "I want you to see the room." She toured the whole room and we're like took pictures. I fortunately had a moment to talk to Gloria at an event like the next day or whatever and I said, "I'm just so curious, are things better for women now? Are they worst? You know, you've been here. You've done the majority of the work. What's up?" She was like, "Well, they're not better but they definitely aren't worse." I was like, oh my God.
Jennifer Tracy: That makes so much sense. That makes so much sense.
Kate Bauer: Yeah, it does and we have so much opportunity and we have more going for us now in this day and age than we ever have and it really is just about like focusing, getting strategic and again, not political, not anything like that.
Jennifer Tracy: No.
Kate Bauer: But just from an emotional, mental sort of like being woke to stand for like we have got to organize and just get out there and be heard.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, yes.
Kate Bauer: Because we are reason anyone is here.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, hello.
Kate Bauer: We are the reason you're here. You're welcome.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God. I think that needs to be a t-shirt.
Kate Bauer: Yes, I'm serious.
Jennifer Tracy: I just had a vision of an Ashley painting of a flower vagina with that bedazzled block words. We're the reason you're here. You're welcome.
Kate Bauer: Yes, seriously. Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: Maybe I'll commission that.
Kate Bauer: Please, please do.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God. You are just so fun. I want to hang out with you all day and all night.
Kate Bauer: I know, same.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God. We've come to the time.
Kate Bauer: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: When I ask you three questions that I ask every guest and then I ask you a lightning round of questions.
Kate Bauer: Okay, I'm ready.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay. What do you think about Kate Grace when you hear the word love?
Kate Bauer: I think about my baby immediately. I just love her so much. It's [inaudible 00:48:41].
Jennifer Tracy: So yummy. If you could live anywhere in the world other than where you're living now, where would you live?
Kate Bauer: Paris.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, that's right. You were married there.
Kate Bauer: I was married there and I just freaking love that city. I just love it, everything about it.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, I can see that. It's part of you. It's part of your blood, just like New Orleans is.
Kate Bauer: Exactly.
Jennifer Tracy: It's so similar to Paris. I mean, obviously the French founded New Orleans but there is that just richness to both cities in a different way.
Kate Bauer: It's rich. It's authentic. It's also just livid there. We'll get it done when it gets done. It will be [inaudible 00:49:19].
Jennifer Tracy: They actually live in the moment.
Kate Bauer: Yes, for sure.
Jennifer Tracy: Let's see. How do you define serenity?
Kate Bauer: Oh, wow. Defining serenity would, I think that, I would define it, there would have to be an element of solitude and quietness and I think that that's something that I'm seeking, that I do not have right now. Serenity is I think being so tapped in that you're literally living on in a grid or in a way that any question that pops into your head is automatically answered with this hard thing to process or conceptualize because people who don't question like, "What are you doing?" first of all, but also like [crosstalk 00:50:29].
Jennifer Tracy: Do you live here? Have you read a paper?
Kate Bauer: Can also ... Yeah, exactly. Can also just being able to navigate and find the answers to all of your weird wacky questions.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it. I'm about to give you some weird wacky questions. Are you ready?
Kate Bauer: Okay.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay, lightning round. We'll start easy, fire side or ocean side?
Kate Bauer: Ocean side.
Jennifer Tracy: Favorite junk food?
Kate Bauer: Fritos barbecue twists.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, that sounds amazing.
Kate Bauer: I know. They're so good. I had them for lunch today.
Jennifer Tracy: Sounds amazing. Do you like theme parks?
Kate Bauer: No. I'm not a theme park gal.
Jennifer Tracy: Daytime sex or nighttime sex?
Kate Bauer: God, I love daytime sex.
Jennifer Tracy: Shower or bathtub?
Kate Bauer: Bathtub.
Jennifer Tracy: Have you ever worn socks with sandals?
Kate Bauer: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: On a scale of 1 to 10, how good are you at making lasagna?
Kate Bauer: I'm like a 10-1/2.
Jennifer Tracy: What?
Kate Bauer: Yeah, I'm really good. I love cooking. We had Italian night last night. We literally had meatballs in manicotti. I made strawberry shortcake. Yeah, it was delicious.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, that sounds incredible. I love it. I love it. I love lasagna. It's one of my favorite things ever, like really, really good lasagna. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Kate Bauer: Gum smacking.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh God.
Kate Bauer: Yeah. Just like a really superficial one but I also like liars. I hate people who are not honest. I'm such an honest person that I can't stand it when people are not truthful.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, yeah. Superpower choice, invisibility, ability to fly or super strength?
Kate Bauer: I think ability to fly. I have dreams where I'm flying and it just is the best journey ever.
Jennifer Tracy: I haven't had a flying dream in for a long time. I used to have them all the time.
Kate Bauer: You're probably going to have one tonight.
Jennifer Tracy: Maybe I will. In the dream, I don't know about you, I'm always doing something with my arms and legs to make it move like you do when you're swimming but it's not a swim move.
Kate Bauer: No.
Jennifer Tracy: It's some kind of weird specific movement that's going to keep me afloat. Would you rather have, we're going to get weird, I asked Instagram people for some new would you rather questions, but I didn't get any responses yet. We went with the very weird one that I chose out of my weird head, would you rather have a finger where your nose is or a nose where your finger is? Let's say index finger, I didn't specify.
Kate Bauer: Right, I think I would rather have a nose where my finger is.
Jennifer Tracy: Right? I know.
Kate Bauer: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: Kind of an obvious one. I need some better ones. What was the name of your first pet?
Kate Bauer: Osky. I had a little tabby cat named Osky.
Jennifer Tracy: What was the name?
Kate Bauer: He was so cute. He's one of the best. He would let me do anything with him and I literally treated him like a baby. I put him in a stroller. I would stroll him up and down the block like [inaudible 00:53:43]. He was awesome.
Jennifer Tracy: What a great name. Did you name him?
Kate Bauer: Yes. I know.
Jennifer Tracy: What was the name of the street you grew up on?
Kate Bauer: Jena Street.
Jennifer Tracy: Your porn name is Osky Jena.
Kate Bauer: Oh, how fancy! I like it.
Jennifer Tracy: She is a showgirl.
Kate Bauer: Oh my God. Are you kidding me?
Jennifer Tracy: Right? With sequins, feathers, bowheads, fishnet, thigh highs, the whole thing.
Kate Bauer: Oh my God, glitter.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it. Oh my God. Kate Grace, you're a gem. Thank you so much for being on the show.
Kate Bauer: Thank you.
Jennifer Tracy: Thanks so much for listening guys. I really hope you enjoyed my conversation with Kate Grace. Join me next week when we have a MILF podcast first, my first anonymous guest. I have a woman coming on the show who is just ... I'm so excited about this you guys. She needs to remain anonymous because of the nature of her work. She works in the sex work field. She's a mom and I can't wait. I can't wait to share it with you. Until then, take care of yourselves, love yourselves. I love you. Keep going.