There are so many aspects to our feminine well-being: physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, creative, erotic, etc. Talking with Nimisha Gandhi reminded me of all the many layers of the feminine body and how easy it is to let go of most of them in order to “take care of things.” Things: other people, children, partners/spouse, work, clients, house and household chores and items. Nowhere in there is the self, the feminine body, the soft and nurturing love that we give so freely to others… it is absent for ourSELVES. It’s something we hear and read about over and over: self-care,
self-love, and balancing that seems so trivial sometimes when we just need to get the kids settled and button everything up before we pass out from
exhaustion.
In my talk with Nimisha – who gave me several gems of knowledge about Ayurveda and also our menstrual cycle and how its nuances cue us in so many ways that we don’t always listen to, hence the name of her business serving women and teen girls with information about their bodies and nutrition, “monocycle nutrition” – I realized that even for women
trained in these things, this shit is HARD! When you throw in having a kid and always thinking of them first, it’s fucking hard to make the time for yourself, even if it’s only five minutes. I’m not talking from a martyrdom point of view here, I’m just saying logistically talking. Whether you are a copy editor or an energy worker or a nutritionist, it isn’t easy to apply your knowledge to yourself.
I sometimes feel like I’m barely hanging on and I haven’t moved my body in several days and yet it’s so hard to tell my 9-year-old son that I need 10 minutes to stretch my legs or do some yoga in my room while he builds legos.
I’m starting to do that. Little by little by little.
I have had to scratch and claw for the time that I now I give myself. And the only person I’ve had to scratch and claw against is myself.
My child wants me all the time, of course, but that is because I’ve always been there for him the second he needed me. He doesn’t know any different. So, it’s my responsibility to also model for him a woman who takes care of her needs.
Sometimes I will say, “I have to take care of my body right now. You can do (whatever the thing is) yourself, or you can wait 20 minutes.” And saying that is HARD for me! Maybe I’m co-dependent. Maybe I’ve got poor boundaries. Maybe I’m enabling. Whatever the case, I’m doing the very best I can to make sure that my kid knows I love him no matter what and that he is loved and cared for and that he is worthy and valid in all of his humanness. That’s the way I want to mother.
So, I need to give that to myself, too. Patience, tolerance, love. I can’t give it if I haven’t got it.
I love you. Keep going.
xoxo,
Jennifer
