Crystal Johnson: It was just really, really hard. I'll kind of tell you what happened with the actual crash. Like I said, the guy was driving the wrong way down the interstate. But my first reaction as a mom is that I don't want another family to lose a son.
Jennifer Tracy: Hey guys. Welcome back to the show. This is MILF podcast. The show where we talk about motherhood, entrepreneurship, sexuality, and everything in between. I'm Jennifer Tracy, your host. Happy Halloween guys. Happy Halloween. I love Halloween. It's funny, I haven't dressed up the last couple years just because I've been busy. My son is going to be Dwight from The Office this year. He's very excited about it. Let me tell you, this child has pretty much every episode of The Office, all nine seasons, memorized. It's really impressive.
Jennifer Tracy: I live in West Hollywood, where we have one of the biggest Halloween party parades in the world. I think last told, 400,000 people came. It actually might be more than that. I haven't checked the stats in a while, but it's pretty miraculous. I've also learned I can't really leave my neighborhood. I have to stay close by because otherwise I'm never getting home because the traffic is crazy coming in here.
Jennifer Tracy: This is the last week that I'll be announcing GLSEN. GLSEN is the organization that I've chosen to highlight this month. You can find out more about them through my website, milfpodcast.com, on the giving page. Or you can go directly to them, glsen.org, G-L-S-E-N dot org, and find out what they're doing to educate, and help schools to educate their staff and the children more about LGBTQ, so that we can all have a safe, inclusive place for everybody. I'm really, really proud of what this organization is doing. They have chapters all over the country. If you want to get involved, if you just want information, if you want them to help out at your school, they're incredible.
Jennifer Tracy: We don't have a sponsor for this episode. If you're interested in sponsoring MILF podcast, we'd love to hear from you. You can email us at jennifer [at] milfpodcast [dot] com... email me. Or you can email my producer, sarah [at] milfpodcast [dot] com. We will send you out a packet, and you can learn about sponsorship opportunities because we love sponsors. They keep us going.
Jennifer Tracy: Today's guest is incredibly special. I met Crystal Johnson through Jennifer Pastiloff. Crystal is just one of the strongest, most resilient women I've ever met. Crystal lost two of her children to a car accident. They were both driving back to college. She has five children. Some are step-children, but she has five children. She says three of them are here and two of them are in heaven. Her story is beautiful and heartbreaking, and she tells it so incredibly... just beautifully on the show.
Jennifer Tracy: I was telling my friend about it the day that I had the interview. She said, "Did you just lose it in the interview?" I said, "No, I didn't, because I was really holding the space and honoring the story. It's profound. It's profound to listen to her talk about it now, and share the story, and how she lives her life day by day now, and how the boys are just in her and in her life still, even in their absence. It's a beautiful interview, and I'm so excited to share it with you. Please enjoy my conversation with Crystal Johnson. Hi, Crystal.
Crystal Johnson: Good morning. How are you?
Jennifer Tracy: I'm really good. How are you? Thank you so much for being here.
Crystal Johnson: Thank you for having me.
Jennifer Tracy: Gosh, we really went a couple rounds of trying to schedule this thing, didn't we?
Crystal Johnson: We did, we did. Probably about 10 times, I think.
Jennifer Tracy: You know what's amazing, is that we both stayed the course and we made it happen. Even though we had some technical glitches yesterday, we're here. I always say this. These sessions always happen at exactly the time they're supposed to.
Crystal Johnson: Pretty much everything does, I think.
Jennifer Tracy: You're in New York?
Crystal Johnson: No, Atlanta.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, Atlanta, Atlanta. I don't know why I put you in New York. Okay, so you're in Atlanta. Where were you born and raised?
Crystal Johnson: Florida. Lakeland, Florida. So, Central Florida. It's like between Tampa and Orlando.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay. What precipitated the move to Atlanta? When was that?
Crystal Johnson: I've been here now for 17 years. My ex-husband took a job up here. He went to school at Georgia Southern, and then he moved to Atlanta afterwards, so he had connections up here. He just got a transfer.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay. What were you doing at that time, professionally?
Crystal Johnson: At that time, I wasn't. I was a stay-at-home mom. At that time, we had just had our third son, Walker. He was probably about a year and a half when we moved up here.
Jennifer Tracy: Wow, wow. So, you're up there with three kids. What do you do professionally? I actually don't even really know.
Crystal Johnson: I work for a hospital management company. I manage a team of sourcing recruiters, essentially. What we do, we are your ER. When you go into a hospital, we basically... the physicians work for us. We manage the billing. We do all of that. Then, we also do have hospital medicine physicians as well, which they work like they're intensivists, or they're family practice, that kind of thing. My team, I have a team of about 20.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, wow. You had the team?
Crystal Johnson: Pardon me.
Jennifer Tracy: You had the team? You're the leader?
Crystal Johnson: Yes. Yes, they're my team.
Jennifer Tracy: That's awesome. Have you always worked in the medical field, or management is your specialty?
Crystal Johnson: I've always worked in sales management, for the most part. Some girls on my team always tease me because I've kind of done a lot of things. I was a flight attendant for a little while. I worked in makeup artistry, but I also... I worked for Lancome for a really long time. I was a business manager for them and I was a makeup artist for them. I did that also, previously.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it. You're like me. I've had a million different jobs. I was a belly dancer professionally. Mine aren't as legit professional as your... Not like they were illegal or anything, but...
Crystal Johnson: Sure they were, sure they were. Not illegal, but legit.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. That's so cool. Now, were you doing all these things after you became a mom, before you became a mom, both?
Crystal Johnson: After. I got married the month I turned 19.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my god.
Crystal Johnson: Yeah. My ex-husband was eight years older than me. He was already out of college, in a career when I met him. Yeah, it was pretty quick. Our first date was January and we got married in July.
Jennifer Tracy: How was your family receiving this?
Crystal Johnson: They actually loved him.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay, okay.
Crystal Johnson: It was really a good situation.
Jennifer Tracy: They were happy.
Crystal Johnson: Yeah, they were. We were married 17 years. Let's see. I got married, like I said, the month I turned 19. Then two years later, we had our first son. Then every two years, so two years we had Deacon, then two years later we had Garrett, and then two years later we had Walker. I thought I was done at that point.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my gosh. Wow. Okay, so then... Sorry, I lost my train of thought. There's so many children to keep track of.
Crystal Johnson: There are, there are.
Jennifer Tracy: I don't know how you did it.
Crystal Johnson: I'm not sure. There might be another one somewhere running around.
Jennifer Tracy: And you have a daughter as well.
Crystal Johnson: I have a step-daughter, yes.
Jennifer Tracy: You have a step-daughter, okay.
Crystal Johnson: I have four boys. I have a little boy as well. So I have four boys. All of the boys are mine. Then, our daughter is my step-daughter, so she's my husband's.
Jennifer Tracy: How long have you been married to your current husband?
Crystal Johnson: Dan and I have been married for five years.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay. I met you through Jen Pastiloff. I remember sitting in her... recording her show. Afterwards, I said, "If you can think of one mom that you really, really deeply respect, that would be great for the show," and she said, "Oh, I have a woman that is just my heart." She said, "This woman is just incredibly beautiful, and profound, and powerful, and her story is incredible, and her resilience is remarkable. And it is a story that other mothers need to hear, other people need to hear, who have experienced, or are experiencing deep loss." So, I can't thank you enough for coming on the show today and sharing your beautiful story. I'm going to just ask you to tell us what happened.
Crystal Johnson: It was November 2017, so Thanksgiving, essentially. Of course, all of our little family was together. My boys, Deacon and Garrett, went to college at Georgia Southern. They had come home for Thanksgiving. We just had a beautiful time together. It was one of those... It's really strange, because that Saturday after Thanksgiving, my husband and I were just sitting here kind of by ourselves. The kids were all spread out wherever they were. We were just talking about how sweet of a time we had. I've written about it before, but the hugs were longer, the kisses were sweeter, and the laughter was louder. We just had a really fantastic time together.
Crystal Johnson: Thanksgiving came and went. The next day... In our family, ever since my Deacon was a baby, my oldest... I have five kids. There's Deacon, and Garrett, and Walker. Those boys are from my previous marriage, as I mentioned before. Then, I had Ryder as a single mom. Let's see, at the time, he was five. Natalie is my step-daughter. At the time, she was 11. Deacon was 20, Garrett was 18, and Walker was 16. Just to kind of give you a rounded view from that point.
Crystal Johnson: In our house, Christmas was just always a really big deal. Decorating the tree was always a really big deal. So I wanted to make sure we did it while the boys were home. That's what we did on that Friday. We went and picked out our tree. We found the perfect one in like five minutes. It was crazy. Came home, decorated the tree. Every year, I get a new ornament. For some reason, this year I got five. I got five ornaments and each one had one of the kid's names on it. They each put their own ornament on the tree, which became very special.
Crystal Johnson: That night, we were going to watch a movie. Instead, the kids went outside and played. They threw the football and... I was going to call them in for the movie, I remember. Dan was like, "Just let them play. They don't get to do this very often." So, they stayed outside, all five of them, just running around, having a good time until about almost midnight. Came in.
Crystal Johnson: The next day, the boys were leaving to go back to school. They were going to spend the day with their friends and then get on the road. Deacon always liked to drive at night because... I don't know if you've ever really spent much time in Atlanta, but the traffic here is crazy, especially during holiday season, where everyone's driving through it to go home. So, he always drove at night. He was going to go to a movie with his friends and then head home... or head back to school.
Crystal Johnson: I got a call that night, which was really special from him. It was after their movie. He was like, "I'm going to come back by and give you a hug before we leave." So, he and Garrett came back, gave us hugs, and those last hugs are definitely a memory that is very real for me. I still smell them. I still can hear their voice. Deacon always patted me on the back. Ever since he was a little kid, it was a joke that he would pat everyone on the back when he hugged them. And he did that. They gave me a hug, and did the same thing for their dad on their way out of town, and headed to school.
Crystal Johnson: The next morning, I wake up, and you know how you just have one of those mornings that's just kind of perfect? The weather's beautiful outside. You're just in a really good mood and you're happy. That's how I woke up. It's always crazy because you think you're going to know when something's wrong with your children, but I did not. I woke up completely just... It was a great day.
Crystal Johnson: Dan and I were going to go Christmas shopping that day. We headed to lunch. I don't think I've ever told this publicly before, but where we're driving... I have no idea what made me say this, but I did. We were talking and I just said, "You know what's crazy? I haven't lost someone really close to me in a long time." We talked about that and it was just kind of a profound moment for me. Then we went shopping. We were in the department store. We were in a Marshalls and I got a call from my ex-husband. I ignored it, because I was with my husband, and I wanted to spend that time with him. He called me again pretty much immediately. So, I answered.
Crystal Johnson: I knew that something was wrong the moment I heard his voice because he cried my name. He didn't say anything else. You know how you can have a fleeting thought? That thought for me was something happened to his grandmother, or something happened. The thought in my mind was not what actually happened. The next words out of his mouth... He didn't say, "Are you sitting down?" He didn't say, "Are you driving?" He just said, "Deacon and Garrett were in an accident and they didn't survive."
Crystal Johnson: I remember just feeling like I was out of my body. I just kept saying, "Both of them, both of them, both of them." And he, of course, was beside himself. He was essentially hysterical. Walker, was our 16 year old, he was actually with him at the time. I've also never talked about this, but the way that Jack found out, the police department had tried to find us. I was out shopping. They went to my house. I wasn't there. They went to Jack's house. He had just moved a week before, so they went to his old location. They didn't have his new one. It took them a while to find us.
Crystal Johnson: They showed up on his doorstep and he was outside. He was just on the ground when they told him. This actually had happened, like I said, on their way to school. Georgia Southern is about four hours away from where we live. The officers that told him aren't the officers that were there. So, they had to hand him a phone. He had to find out over the phone from them, and that's how he told me. He did, thankfully, have the officer's number.
Crystal Johnson: I guess I should backtrack a little bit. Whenever he first told me, I was saying, "both of them, both of them." I just fell to the floor. I told Dan. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself. I'm really good about forgiving myself for things, but this one... I just looked at him and I said, "Deacon and Garrett are dead." That's how I told Dan. He just came at me and he was like, "No, no, no, no, no." He came down to the floor with me.
Crystal Johnson: I'll never forget. There was a woman there. I was crying and I was just saying, "My babies, my babies, my babies." There was a woman that came over and I remember her eyes. I would never know her if she was standing in front of me, but I did see her eyes. She said, "Are you okay?" I remember shaking my head no. Her eyes grounded me. It kind of brought me back to my body, I guess. I was able to stand up. I was able to walk out of the store. I was able to go to the car.
Crystal Johnson: I remember... Dan always kind of laughs about this part. I said, "Give me the keys. You don't need to be driving." So, he did. He gave me the keys. Then, we sat in the car and I called the officer. I was very calm, for the most part. I was trying to find out all of the information I could. I remember asking him if it was Deacon's fault. He told me, "No, ma'am." He said, "There was a driver that drove the wrong way down the interstate and hit them head on." He said, "We do believe they died instantly," which was a blessing later because my next question to him was, "Where are they? I need to be with them. Please just tell me where they are. I need to be there." He just paused for a moment, and he just said, "Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but you don't want to see them. There was a fire." That part, for me, I think that's what made it somewhat real. Some days it still doesn't feel real and it's been almost two years.
Crystal Johnson: At that point, we hung up. Dan looked me and he said, "What the hell am I doing? You're not driving." So, we switched places. We drove home. I had to call my family, who, of course, were just beside themselves. Jack brought Walker over. Wendy, Dan's ex, brought Natalie over, our daughter. We were all together. After Jack left, I got a call from the coroner, which is what I had been waiting for all day. That phone call is when he told me that he would need dental records. For me, that was so far the hardest part of what happened. I don't think I realized how bad it was until that moment. It ended up coming up later that they actually needed my DNA to identify the boys, which was difficult. When the boys died, they just vanished. They were here one minute and they were gone the next. I never got to see them again. Excuse me. It was just really, really hard.
Crystal Johnson: I'll kind of tell you what happened with the actual crash. Like I said, the guy was driving the wrong way down the interstate. My first reaction, as a mom, is that I don't want another family to lose a son. My first thought with all of that was that I didn't want another family to lose a son. I didn't want another mother to lose a son. Then we started hearing facts come out about the case. One of the reasons you and I actually postponed one of the timeframes that we were going to talk, was because we had the court hearing coming up finally. Throughout the process, more and more information started coming out about the driver. Just to save time, it ended up being that he was high, and we did find out, through toxicology, that he was on cocaine, and Xanax, among other things. He drove five miles the wrong way down the interstate, at a minimum, before he came upon the boys, and hit them head on. He was injured, but not... He's totally fine now. He had a couple broken bones and I think some other issues, but now he's fine.
Crystal Johnson: We did have the court case, the court hearing, in June. When you're going through... A process like this does not happen the way that you think it's going to. You expect that there's a certain amount of time someone's going to get for killing two human beings, right? It doesn't really happen that way. There's a lot that's involved. There's a lot of discussion that's involved. Along with the fact that he was high, he also had been through rehab before. He actually worked at the clinic after rehab, helping others through sobriety. So, the fact that he was high... He wasn't a kid who made a mistake. He was a grown man. He was 27 years old and he knew what he was doing. He knew the road that what he was doing was going to take him on, and he still chose to do it. That definitely changed our mindset on it. Having said that, my husband is in recovery. He's been sober for seven years now. We're very pro-rehabilitation and taking care of yourself. But once someone's done it so many times, and then they kill two human beings, it takes on a different turn.
Crystal Johnson: After months... years, actually. When the crash first happened, he didn't spend any time in jail. He did get arrested initially, finally, six months after the crash, and he spent three days in jail. Then, the rest of the time, he was home. When we went in there, meeting with the district attorney multiple times, and discussing with them, the maximum amount of time that he could get was 40 years. That's 15 for DUI homicide felony times two. So, that's 15 times two. Then the 10 years, he actually had possession of marijuana in his trunk. So, you get 10 years for having possession of marijuana, but 15 years for killing someone, which is crazy.
Jennifer Tracy: Geez. That doesn't seem... Yeah, that's insane.
Crystal Johnson: It is. What we asked for 38/25. What that means is 38 years sentenced, 25 to actually serve in prison. The rest of the time would be on parole. The reason we chose that number is that Deacon was 20, and Garrett was 18, and it came up to a total of 38 years. And then, neither one would see the age of 25, so that was the minimum that we wanted them to serve. But it also... It came down, for me too, there's never enough time. There's never enough time that's going to make up for what we've lost. More importantly, what Deacon and Garrett lost. I had to kind of look at it as what is going to be impactful when people hear it? What is going to cause that man to remember what happened every day? And what is going to give him the opportunity to still have a life that he can possibly bring some good into this world, with having all of those things also happen. That's the number that we came up with. And that is what he got.
Jennifer Tracy: So that's what happened in June.
Crystal Johnson: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: You did get what you were going for.
Crystal Johnson: We did, we did.
Jennifer Tracy: How did that feel?
Crystal Johnson: Heartbreaking. I spent the first week thinking about him at night, hoping that he's okay, honestly. I was a little mad because I'm sitting here spending my time thinking about someone in jail, rather than my boys. I had to let that go. I had to know that what we asked for was the best balance that we could come to, and that it served the boys well. That's basically how I live my life, is just doing everything I can to be sure that I serve them well.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. Thank you so much, first of all, for sharing all of that. That's so... I can't even imagine. I just can't even imagine. You're just so graceful in everything that you talk about. I've been following you now on Instagram this whole time. Every time you post about it, everything you write about it, you're such a good writer. I just want to ask, what kind of support did you get for yourself throughout this process because I can't imagine... We're not equipped with tools of how to deal with this kind of loss. It's not something that we're given out the gate.
Crystal Johnson: Yeah. I think I'm a little bit of an anomaly because I have not gotten any professional help, I should say. I write. That, for me, is incredibly therapeutic. I do have a huge support system, which I can't imagine going through something like this without it. My family, when the call first came in... I have no family here. They're all in Florida. Then there's a couple spread about the country. Within three days, I had 40 people in my house. My family is really large. It's my step-family, primarily, and then my parents, my mom and my dad. Luckily, we all get along really well. They were here. They were here in a heartbeat. They dropped their lives for a full week. They stayed through the memorial service, which was incredible. We had about 400 people show up. It was beautiful. It was at the lake where we've always taken the kids since they were little. It was just a pretty... I hate to use the word magical, because, I mean, how do you use that word with what we're dealing with, but it was. It was just incredibly profound.
Crystal Johnson: My writing, my support... You mentioned Jen earlier. The way that I met her, she was giving away a scholarship to Italy to her retreat that she has there every year. Someone nominated me. Someone sent in a letter to her. She was basically, "I have to meet this person," or, "I have to talk to her." So, she and I talked and she gave me the scholarship immediately. I went there and, let me tell you, I had never been to Europe before. I definitely never traveled alone. Like I mentioned earlier, I was a flight attendant for about a year, but that was all domestic flights. It's very different traveling to another country that doesn't necessarily speak your language, all alone, and in a time of deep grief. This was... the crash had happened... it was less than a year after the crash. It was September of last year.
Crystal Johnson: That trip for me was life changing. I use that term a lot regarding that trip. I feel like I sound redundant sometimes, but it truly was. More so than me being able to dig deep, which is what Jen's retreats are about, it was the relationships and the tribe that she brought to my life. I know that any of those women I could call at any point in time, and they would be here in a second. There are some of them that are my soulmates, lifelong. It was wonderful. The thing that I walked away with besides that, was the fact that I can do anything. If I can live through... and I will always be living through this. There will never be an end to my grief. There will never be a, "I'm through it." It is with me every day.
Crystal Johnson: Another thing that I do, I've managed to find a way to compartmentalize my life. I mentioned my job. I have a very hectic work life. I manage 20 people and there's always something going on with someone. There are a lot of parts that move. I have to be there. I have to be present, and capable, and function when I'm at work. I'm able, for the most part, to walk through that door. I describe it sometimes as I have my grief in a box, and the box is on my shoulder. I have to lock that grief up to walk through that door. But what I give myself, is one day a week to work from home, to grieve, to cry. I'm still working, but I'm home, and I can just let it all out. So far, that is what is working for me. Now, there are times when that day extends to a second day, and I just have to work from home again.
Crystal Johnson: There are moments that I know are going to be difficult that I plan for. Birthdays. Holidays. Mother's Day is the biggie. My birthday is really difficult. There are days that I know that are coming, and I just plan for them. Then, there are the days that grief just knocks you on your ass, and you just have to deal with it. I have to say, "Okay, box, you're destroyed today." That's kind of how I manage it.
Jennifer Tracy: How is it helping your other kids walk through this?
Crystal Johnson: Walker just left for Rutgers. That might be why you were thinking New York because we were in New York.
Jennifer Tracy: That's what it was.
Crystal Johnson: [crosstalk 00:31:09] in New Jersey. We do not pretend it didn't happen. We bring them into our lives. We do things like family movie night. We always did family movie night, ever since my kids were little. We would pull out on Friday nights. We'd all cuddle up on the sofas. We'd bring out movie, candy, and popcorn, and we would have our movie nights. We still do that. And we have Deacon and Garrett movie nights. We watch movies that only they loved and the kids will pick it. We bring them into what we do. I'm in my living room right now, and we have them kind of everywhere. People probably walk in our house and are like, "What the hell," but I don't care. It's how we keep them alive in our lives.
Crystal Johnson: Ryder, my seven-year-old, he just turned seven, he... Each one of the children have their own story with the boys. Walker, my 18-year-old... it was the three of them. The three musketeers their whole lives. He lost his future. This is the part that gets me emotional. I remember after the crash, he just looked at me and he said, "Mom, they're the people I was going to grow old with." That's what he lost. He lost his best friends throughout his entire life, because he's the youngest of the three, of course.
Crystal Johnson: Natalie, she lost what she didn't have yet. She had a lot already because the boys... When she came into the picture, they just encircled her. They just brought her into the fold and they treated her no different. They would come home for her birthdays to surprise her, and they wouldn't come home for mine. They were the best big brothers on the planet. That's what she lost. She lost the time she didn't have.
Crystal Johnson: Ryder lost his absolute champion, and best friend. Deacon, my oldest, when Ryder was born, he just took him in. He fell in love with that baby from the moment he first held him. If Deacon was around, mom ceased to exist, and he's a momma's boy. But Deacon was his favorite. He will tell you that to this day. Deacon, when he went to college, he would FaceTime him every day because their relationship was just so special. That's what he lost. We have to work hard to make sure that they don't lose that. That's probably what my biggest fear was, was that Ryder would forget how special that relationship was. I'm really pleased to say that he hasn't, yet, and I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure he doesn't.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. That's amazing. Tell me more about your writing. Your writing's been very therapeutic for you.
Crystal Johnson: It has. I have neuropathy, and it affects my speech. I assume that's what's affecting my speech. It mostly affects my hands, but I tend to get a little tongue tied sometimes. It's like my mouth can't say what my brain is trying to get out.
Jennifer Tracy: I don't know what neuropathy is, can you-
Crystal Johnson: It's basically just nerve damage, basically.
Jennifer Tracy: ... Okay.
Crystal Johnson: I don't know the cause of it yet, but I was actually getting all of that stuff checked out whenever the crash happened, and I kind of put all of that on hold. I really don't care at this point. But it definitely has affected that, so I get... I'm able to say what I want to say, through writing, a lot easier than I can through speech. Not to mention, I just always loved writing. When I was in fifth grade, I wanted to be a writer. It's just something that comes naturally to me.
Crystal Johnson: I just one day decided to get on Instagram and start using that almost like it was my journal. That's what I do. I don't really write for anyone else. I shouldn't say that. Now I do, because I know there are people that say that they are able to kind of figure out what it is they're trying to say whenever they read my words. So, I do try to do that. But, honestly, it really is primarily for me. It's how I relay what I'm feeling, but it's also how I tell their story. That part is my main reason. I will tell anyone that wants to listen.
Crystal Johnson: I've started a book. Who knows how long it will take me to finish it, but I have started writing it. I'm about four chapters in. This one is just their story, for the most part.
Jennifer Tracy: That is awesome. That was going to be my next question, have you thought about writing a book?
Crystal Johnson: Yeah, I have.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, that's awesome, that's awesome. I'm so glad you're doing that.
Crystal Johnson: I am too. Even if nothing ever happens with it, I... it, again, is for me. I do feel that it is my purpose to... I know all parents probably feel that their kids are wonderful, but they really were just some of the best humans.
Jennifer Tracy: They sound exceptional.
Crystal Johnson: They were amazing. They were boys.
Jennifer Tracy: Of course.
Crystal Johnson: When Deacon was 16, he and I had... He and I are very much alike, so we would butt heads on the regular for a little while there, but that actually didn't last too terribly long. They're the typical teenagers that you have issues with, but they never did anything harmful. They never, ever did anything to hurt someone. They were very kind souls. They're not here to tell their story, so I have to do so.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it. Tell me how old the three youngest ones are now, again.
Crystal Johnson: Walker just turned 18.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my gosh.
Crystal Johnson: Natalie, her birthday was yesterday, so she turned 13. Ryder turned seven on the 14th.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my gosh, so he's just in what, first grade, or...
Crystal Johnson: He is, yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my gosh, wow. Wow. Well, Crystal, I can't thank you enough for being on the show. I just admire you so much. I feel like we already know each other because we've been back and forth chatting so much.
Crystal Johnson: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: I really hope I get to meet you one day.
Crystal Johnson: I hope so too.
Jennifer Tracy: Maybe we'll meet each other at one of Jen's things or something.
Crystal Johnson: That sounds wonderful. Where are you actually in California?
Jennifer Tracy: I'm in West Hollywood.
Crystal Johnson: Oh, okay, okay, cool.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, so I'm not far from Jen.
Crystal Johnson: Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, and I have a lot of friends in Atlanta and Florida, so I may get down there. I actually might do a retreat... go to a retreat there in February. If so, I will definitely make plans to see you-
Crystal Johnson: Please do. That would be awesome.
Jennifer Tracy: ... and take you to lunch.
Crystal Johnson: That would be wonderful. Yeah, I'd love that.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay, yeah, that would be great. We've come to the time when I ask questions. Actually, let's see, you are the first one who's going to have new questions.
Crystal Johnson: Oh, okay then.
Jennifer Tracy: Because I retired the old questions.
Crystal Johnson: So, I don't get to pick a penis here on the program, is what you're saying.
Jennifer Tracy: You listened to the penis part. Well, we have something new and fresh for you.
Crystal Johnson: Okay, okay, okay.
Jennifer Tracy: What do you think about, Crystal, when you hear the word love?
Crystal Johnson: I'm pausing because it's literally I am surrounded by it. It has completely encompassed me. The one thing that death has brought for me is it has expounded the love around me. I have no other answer but that.
Jennifer Tracy: Other than where you're living now, where in the world is somewhere that you would like to live?
Crystal Johnson: Anywhere in the world. I would go back to Italy in a heartbeat. Florence has a little, small piece of my heart, so I'd definitely go back there.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so special. How do you define serenity?
Crystal Johnson: Serenity is peace. It's grace. It's the quiet moments. It's when I can just breathe them in.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay. Lightning round of questions. Fireside or ocean side?
Crystal Johnson: Fireside in the fall, ocean side any other time.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, yes, yes, yes. Favorite junk food?
Crystal Johnson: Chocolate anything.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, give me some examples.
Crystal Johnson: Literally anything.
Jennifer Tracy: Your favorite.
Crystal Johnson: Probably brownies are my favorite, but I'll take dark chocolate, milk chocolate. I don't like white chocolate, but everything else is pretty much... You could dip saltine crackers in chocolate, and I would eat it.
Jennifer Tracy: God, that's so true. That actually sounds amazing.
Crystal Johnson: It actually is. I've had it.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my god. That sounds amazing. Do you like theme parks?
Crystal Johnson: I thought I did. We went a couple of years ago. I used to love roller coasters, but I literally hated every single one that I went on. I think it's as you get older, the fear... I don't know. I have no idea.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it, I love it. Daytime sex or nighttime sex?
Crystal Johnson: Both.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, girl. As you can tell, I kept some of the old ones. I just had to change it up. Okay, let's see, texting or talking?
Crystal Johnson: Texting.
Jennifer Tracy: Cat person or dog person?
Crystal Johnson: Dog person.
Jennifer Tracy: Shower or bathtub?
Crystal Johnson: If I have to wash my hair, I love the shower. But if I don't, then I would much prefer the bath.
Jennifer Tracy: So smart. You're so pragmatic.
Crystal Johnson: I know, it's ridiculous. Go ahead.
Jennifer Tracy: On a scale of 1 to 10, how good are you at making lasagna?
Crystal Johnson: I'm really good at it.
Jennifer Tracy: Really?
Crystal Johnson: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Jennifer Tracy: God, I love homemade lasagna.
Crystal Johnson: That wasn't a scale, was it? I would say a 9.
Jennifer Tracy: No, that's an answer, I'm really good at it. Yeah. You're a 9. That's sexy. I just love a good homemade anything really, but homemade lasagna...
Crystal Johnson: I'm a good cook. It's just one of those things that comes naturally. I can taste something and usually can kind of pinpoint what's in it. But, my husband puts me to shame, so there's that.
Jennifer Tracy: Really? Your husband's a chef?
Crystal Johnson: He was a sous-chef for a long time.
Jennifer Tracy: What?
Crystal Johnson: Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my god, that's so sexy.
Crystal Johnson: I know, I know. He's great.
Jennifer Tracy: A man that cooks, and then cooks for you... Oh yeah. That's good, girl, that's good.
Crystal Johnson: It is, it is.
Jennifer Tracy: What's your biggest pet peeve?
Crystal Johnson: Dishonesty.
Jennifer Tracy: In general?
Crystal Johnson: Yeah, anything fake. I'm all about being real. I can't handle bullshit, honestly.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it. Superpower choice. Invisibility, ability to fly, or Wonder Woman's truth lasso?
Crystal Johnson: I'm going to say ability to fly.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, right.
Crystal Johnson: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Jennifer Tracy: Where would you fly to? Where's the first place?
Crystal Johnson: My boys. Is that allowed?
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, yes. Okay. Would you rather have a cat tail or cat ears? She's really thinking about it.
Crystal Johnson: I am. I even have [inaudible 00:43:05] here on the [crosstalk 00:43:05]. Okay, I'm going to have to say cat ears, I guess. I'm really not sure what the benefit of either of them would be, but cat ears, sure.
Jennifer Tracy: You would get snuzzled a lot. People would want to pet you on your ears.
Crystal Johnson: Yeah, that's true. The tail would just get in the way. That would bug me.
Jennifer Tracy: True, true. It might be itchy.
Crystal Johnson: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. What was the name of your first pet?
Crystal Johnson: Colt.
Jennifer Tracy: What was the name of the street you grew up on?
Crystal Johnson: Grady.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, yes. So, your porn name... That is so awesome. Your porn name is Colt Grady.
Crystal Johnson: That's perfection, yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Dude, that is like a 1980s...
Crystal Johnson: It is. I need a 'stache to go with that.
Jennifer Tracy: You do. Colt Grady. That's so awesome girl. Oh my god, I love it. Colt Grady.
Crystal Johnson: That's fantastic.
Jennifer Tracy: That is a series of books. That is like a 10 year television run.
Crystal Johnson: That's the title of my next book, is Colt Grady. There it is.
Jennifer Tracy: There it is, Colt Grady.
Crystal Johnson: Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my god. Crystal, you're an angel. You're just such an angel. Thank you so much.
Crystal Johnson: So are you. Thank you, and thanks for working out all this technical difficulty crap we had.
Jennifer Tracy: It was meant to be. We fought hard to get this and it's such a beautiful episode. I'm really grateful. Thank you.
Crystal Johnson: Well, thank you for having me.
Jennifer Tracy: Hey guys, I really hope you enjoyed my conversation with Crystal. Please join me next week as we kick November off with a fresh episode of MILF podcast. I love you guys. Keep going.