Jenna Elfman: It's like I teach my kids this all the time is like I'm actually concerned for the next generation because they're not learning to stay with one thing and find the power that comes when you're really putting all of your attention on what you're doing while you're doing it. There's tremendous power, like personal strength and power in that kind of focus, and taking something to a done, whatever it is. Whether it's performing a piece of music or reading a book or writing a letter or doing your to-do list, or painting. Whatever it is that's productive that moves the needle on your enhancement or the people around you improves your survivability, whatever it is. If it's all diluted because of dispersal, it takes the power away.
Jennifer Tracy: Hey guys. Welcome back to the show. This is MILF podcast, the show where we talk about motherhood, entrepreneurship, sexuality and everything in between. I'm Jennifer Tracy, your host. So excited to be talking to you guys on this crisp November day, very excited to introduce our guest today.
Jennifer Tracy: Before I do that, I wanted to mention the Global Alliance for Maternal Mental Health, which is the organization that I've chosen to highlight this month. You can get to their website on my giving page on milfpodcast.com or you can go to their website directly globalalliancematernalmentalhealth.org. It's a mouthful but what they do is amazing. They are a coalition of international organizations committed to improving the mental health and well-being of women and their children and pregnancy in the first postnatal year throughout the world.
Jennifer Tracy: Maternal depression is a huge problem. It's the most common serious health complication of maternity. Unfortunately, at the moment, even here in the United States, but especially in low income countries, it's not being supported. The research is being neglected. The investment and services is being neglected. This coalition of organizations is really committed stopping that. They're awesome. Check them out. You can become a member. You can spread the word. They have resources for you if you are suffering from postpartum mental health issues. They have real life stories to watch videos of women all around the world who have dealt with this.
Jennifer Tracy: And just the most important thing I can say to anyone who's struggling with this or has struggled with it is that you are not alone. I know myself from dealing with it personally that it is very lonely and it feels like you're the only person, the only mom that's ever experienced this. Even if you've heard of other moms feeling it, it's like, oh no, that can't be me or something else is wrong with me. It can't be that. I must just be defective, because that's part of what these mental health issues make us think in my experience and my listening to other moms talk about it.
Jennifer Tracy: Reach out. Reach out to one of these organizations. Reach out to me. I'm always available for that. I'm always available to you guys. It's so important and it's so precious. We need to raise more and more and more awareness to this. Because it's something that is even now still it's just neglected and we need more resources and more education about it. That is that.
Jennifer Tracy: My guest today is a ... She's just such a powerhouse. I love this woman so much. She came into my home and I was very starstruck. She is my height exactly and she's just absolutely gorgeous, and radiant, and humble, and funny. She has won a Golden Globe. She's been nominated for three Primetime Emmy Awards among so many other awards. I mean, there was just too many to list. She's currently, in her long, long resume, she's currently right now working on Fear the Walking Dead, which is a sensational show on AMC, along with raising two children and having husband and doing all the other live stuff.
Jennifer Tracy: I want to welcome Jenna Elfman to the show. It was such a pleasure to interview her. She is just a delight, brilliant, and I just was so privileged to get to spend the hour with her talking on my couch and here you go. Here's my interview with Jenna Elfman. Hi Jenna.
Jenna Elfman: Hi.
Jennifer Tracy: Thank you so much for being here.
Jenna Elfman: My pleasure.
Jennifer Tracy: This is so awesome.
Jenna Elfman: You have such a silky, pretty voice. I'm such a ... I don't know.
Jennifer Tracy: Let's see. There's so much to talk about and just before you came, I was literally powering through season 4 episode 3, which is your debut into this. I was literally watching you fall in a tank or a well?
Jenna Elfman: Oil.
Jennifer Tracy: What was it? An oil?
Jenna Elfman: Oil tank, yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my god. How many days did it take you to shoot that?
Jenna Elfman: It was a couple of days because we shot the exterior of it on top of when I fall in and like land on some pads with the stunt guys, waiting to catch me. And then that was at one location. Then we're on the stages for the interior when I actually ... When you see the inside. I think it was like maybe two days.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. It was so good. And all I could think was, because this is how my brain works, I was like, oh it's kind of like early motherhood, when you kind of wake up and feels like all these beings like needing you and wanting you and calling you, but you don't stab them in the head. I was thinking that that reminded me of early motherhood. But also when I was researching you the last couple of days, I learned that you're a dancer.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. I was a professional, classically-trained dancer.
Jennifer Tracy: Classically trained and that's how you started your career in entertainment, correct?
Jenna Elfman: Mm-hmm (affirmative). I was a ballerina. I studied at Westside Ballet here in Los Angeles. Then I would go for the summer programs on full scholarship to Pacific Northwest Ballet in Seattle, which is so where are all the girls from New York City Ballet would go for summer program, well not all, but a lot of them would go for summer.
Jenna Elfman: I was about to go into a company but had this injury that was recurring in various forms and I just went, if my career is going to be like icing an ankle, it's not a career. I segued out of ballet and went into dancing for TV and film and danced on the Academy Awards, and in films, in music videos and traveled on tour with rock bands, dancing, and all kinds of random forms of dancing professionally.
Jennifer Tracy: One of which was I read that you were one of the ZZ Top girls. Is that a true story?
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. I was on tour in 1994 for like two months. That was interesting.
Jennifer Tracy: That was so fun I'm sure.
Jenna Elfman: That was a big change from the ballet studio, dancing with like Balanchine style. That was very different. It was supposed to be like an 11-month tour and I've just gotten engaged to my husband. It only lasted two months. It was not quite the right lifestyle for me. I didn't know what to expect, but I came to learn quickly what was involved and it was just not my scene. It was definitely a cool experience because I love ZZ Top. I love their music. That was fun, but not for me.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. And then you jumped into acting.
Jenna Elfman: And then I segued into acting, yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: And then from there just like went off.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. It was like one ... It was like a good couple years of training and struggling, and couldn't get an agent. But the second I got an agent, that was it. Like it was guest star, guest star, pilot, series regular, show being developed for me, like it was a quick route once I finally did get an agent, which was not easy.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. No, it never is. Everybody has this concept of that of like, "Oh, it's just you just go to LA and you just audition a few times." I remember when I first moved here in '98, I was at the Sofitel Hotel, when it used to be little French boutiquey, now it's very modern. I was waiting at the elevator. Angelina Jolie was standing there and she had just come out. I was very starstruck and I introduced myself, which I never usually do. She said, "Are you an actress?" I was like 22. And it was like, "Yeah." She's like, "I auditioned for hundreds of things, just don't quit." It was so great to hear that.
Jenna Elfman: Wow. That's cool.
Jennifer Tracy: It was so cool. She was so gracious. She stuck her hand out and said, "I'm Angie." But just to say that I'd auditioned for hundreds of things. It helped me to just go for it and keep going to know that. So anyway.
Jenna Elfman: That's really cool.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah.
Jenna Elfman: I love hearing stories like that.
Jennifer Tracy: I know, me too. She was really great. I've always loved her.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: But I just have to say, I did not mention this before we hit record, but we also have Claudia Lonow in common.
Jenna Elfman: I love Claudia.
Jennifer Tracy: We love her. We love her mom.
Jenna Elfman: She and I have matching tattoos.
Jennifer Tracy: You do?
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. Because when we did ... So I did a show called Accidentally On Purpose. I almost said another show I did with the same ANP in the title. Accidentally On Purpose, and she loves stars. She loves the symbol of stars, star earrings, star things. And so I said, "If we do this pilot, if it gets picked up, when we're in New York at the Upfront, let's get matching star tattoos," so we did.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so fun. Oh my god. It's beautiful. What's on the bottom of it?
Jenna Elfman: That's my original tattoo from when I was 19. It's an alchemy symbol, which is supposed to be up into the right, but when I'm on my back with my legs up in the air, it is up into the right. It's a symbol for ...
Jennifer Tracy: That was hilarious.
Jenna Elfman: It's a symbol for an element and in its pure state before it's been altered or changed in anything else.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah, but Claudia is awesome. She is so hilarious. She's so sweet and funny.
Jennifer Tracy: She's so funny.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: I mean, one of the things she said on the podcast was she said, kind of my idea about everything when I walk into a situation is, and you'll hear her voice, let's get this over with. So that was the title of her episode.
Jenna Elfman: Let's get this over with. I get that.
Jennifer Tracy: Then her mom came on the show, so it was fun. I loved that show when it came out because she and I were friends then. She said, "I have this show coming out." And so I tuned in. It was such a great show. You were so great in it. The whole cast was so great. I love that.
Jenna Elfman: It was a good cast. Really, Jon Foster, Lennon Parham. I mean, so many great people.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, and a great story and it's relevant.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. It was based on a true story.
Jennifer Tracy: In this journey of your artistry, you've become a mom and you have two boys. How old are they now?
Jenna Elfman: Nine and 12.
Jennifer Tracy: Hands full.
Jenna Elfman: So full. Actually, I was listening to your interview with Kathryn Hahn and I burst out laughing when she said, "Oh my god, they like need me more now."
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Jenna Elfman: Because I really just recently was like gobsmacked at the reality because I was under the impression it was going to get easier.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. Me too.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah, and I'm like, oh my god they really ... Like I'm very, very present with my kids and really hands on, and like really probably overworked myself too much trying to be there for them and making sure I'm there for them to the point where it's almost self-sacrificial. Because I have this idea where I want them to feel like they have a full-time mom, even though I'm not always around because I film in Texas and I commute.
Jenna Elfman: If I have more than one day off, I fly home for 24 hours. I'm sometimes traveling twice a week, three times a week and then fly back to Texas, up at 3:00 a.m., picked up at 4:00 a.m., 16 hours in extreme conditions, fly home, be with the kids, go back to the airport, fly back, for seven months.
Jenna Elfman: Like this season, we moved in the middle of it and so I was only home for one day of the move. I did the move, then left, and then did press, and then back to filming. It was like an unprecedented amount of stress, this last season.
Jennifer Tracy: I saw under Instagram I think you did something. You did a TBT. It's like this picture of you onset and you're like, yeah, remember that ... Or maybe it was one of your colleagues that said, "This woman powered through a whole day of shooting, even when she had the flu."
Jenna Elfman: Oh yeah. I had the flu.
Jennifer Tracy: You had influenza.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah, no. I definitely had the flu. There's no choice. You don't have a choice. You don't not go to work when you're filming. They have these locations. There's just no choice. There isn't a choice. In all the commuting, I had the flu. I'm still recovering and feeling a little noddy sometimes because just to try to keep my attention on one task so that I can complete tasks, when there's such a backlog of tasks from being out of town and the move and then staying on top of the everyday tasks and planning and organizing the future tasks so that everything runs smoothly for the family before I leave town again.
Jenna Elfman: It's a little daunting, but it's all grounded in expansion and good things. Like my life is expanding and the kids are doing great. Like everything is going well. It's like growing pains, like I had mentioned to you. I'm trying not to feel a little bit noddy. At least getting more sleep now, so that's good.
Jennifer Tracy: Well, I was just going to ask you like so what do you do to take care of yourself in between all this stuff?
Jenna Elfman: This is the other thing that made me laugh out loud when I was listening to Kathryn Hahn's interview with you when she was talking about how much she values being alone. No, it is like actually almost showed my husband the definition of privacy from the Webster's dictionary. Because I wasn't really sure if he knew the definition. I thought maybe we should just clear it out. Why? Why?
Jennifer Tracy: I already know what you're going to say.
Jenna Elfman: What the hell, man? Like why do they think that you're just at their disposal at any moment of the day at any time. If you feel put out by them asking you-
Jennifer Tracy: Oh sorry, you're peeing? Sorry, sorry. Can you take care of this?
Jenna Elfman: Seriously.
Jennifer Tracy: I'm peeing. I'm peeing.
Jenna Elfman: Oh no. I thought like he's like, "Put on the schedule to meet with me so we could go over ..." Like just stuff, "Do you want to go to the Dodger game during these finals," like arranging certain things. Me giving him some notes on a project he's writing. It's like, okay, we got that done, right? Okay good. So I'm going to go take a shower. Now me taking a shower is like, everybody fuck off. I can just actually have my own thought process. If he comes in and he wants a little action before I go, then I'm like-
Jennifer Tracy: Because you're going to be gone.
Jenna Elfman: Oh my god. Now, I should be grateful I have a partner.
Jennifer Tracy: You should be.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah, I'm grateful, like almost 30 years together. I'm grateful. I'm grateful he still finds me attractive and he's never cheated on me. Yes. I think I'm a huge part of the fact that he has not cheated because I keep him very in line. But he's really a good boy. But yeah, grateful. I'm grateful, but like leave me the fact alone. Just like, give me a moment.
Jenna Elfman: We have a podcast as well. I wrote [inaudible 00:15:49] of Nicole's constantly. I'm not saying anything behind his back that I wouldn't or haven't already said in our podcast too. I think it's a perception they don't have actually. I stopped getting mad at him for it because he was like a child who is being scorned for something they haven't learned yet. It's not a perception. He can smell. He can taste. He can hear. When it comes to my universe, it's not a perception, doesn't exist.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, so true.
Jenna Elfman: It's not a perception.
Jennifer Tracy: It's so true. I mean I'm amicably divorced. My husband and I are great friends. I feel so fortunate we have the relationship we do. Now when our son is with him, I am like in my little oasis. I mean, I have social time and I do things, but I use that quiet time to restore myself.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. I had to go to Palm Springs. I had to leave the premises. I had to leave the city. I went to Palm Springs for like 36 hours. I'm not joking. I drive by ... Was it the Cabazon? What are those outlasts, on your way back? Cabazon?
Jennifer Tracy: I don't know how to say it either.
Jenna Elfman: Anyhow, I've always driven by. I'm just trolling. It feels good to walk and people watch, and look at things. I find that very therapeutic to just walk and look and observe the world. That is very, very nice for me. He accidentally text me, "Want a hot dog?" I was like, "I'm two hours away. I don't want a hot dog." Huh? Nah. What? I was like ... That was his way of trying to find out an ETA. That's what I'm thinking. He's like, "No, I actually meant to text Story," our kid.
Jenna Elfman: So then I get home and then he tells me, "Actually you're going to hate me," he's like, "but I was kind of curious about an ETA. I did the find my phone to see where you were." I'm like, see, I knew you were wondering on an ETA. I can perceive it in the universe. Can you just not even in your mind, can you just leave me alone? Just leave me alone. I need that time where no one needs because I can feel the needs, but they can't. They can't cut the umbilical cord and just leave you the hell alone. It's impossible. I mean maybe some dudes can, you know maybe. I don't know. Maybe that's not the kind of husband I'd want anyway.
Jennifer Tracy: I don't know and even my son is like that too. I have friends with girls and they're like, "Oh, she comes home from school. She just goes in her room and reads."
Jenna Elfman: I don't think I'd like that. I feel offended. I want my kids to want me, but I want my husband to leave me alone, until I want to be with him.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my god, I totally hear you. No, my son is very much, "Mom sit with me. Mom look at this. Mom watch this. Mama." He's watching The Office now all nine seasons for the third time all the way through. He has the whole thing memorized. It doesn't matter what Dwight or Jim are doing, he's like, "Mom, mom, mom, come look, come look. I want you to see this."
Jenna Elfman: How old is he?
Jennifer Tracy: Ten. It's so sweet because he wants to share this experience with me and I get it and feel like what's funny together, rejoice the artistry of this brilliant show, I get it. Sometimes I'm trying to do other things and I've talked about this on the show before. I have to just stop myself and be like, okay. He's only going to be 10 once, just let this, whatever it is. Let the pasta boil over, whatever, and just go be with him.
Jenna Elfman: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: But it's so hard because I want to get it done.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah and you don't want to make him feel like him reaching to you is an annoyance.
Jennifer Tracy: Totally.
Jenna Elfman: Like how offensive is that but at the same time it's annoying sometimes.
Jennifer Tracy: It's annoying.
Jenna Elfman: I love my kids. Please, I break my back for my kids because I fucking love them. I admire them, these humans. I enjoy the hell out of them. But like mama, mama, mama. Hey mama. Look here, mama. Are you looking? Mama, watch. Are you ready, mama? Mama, are you ready?" Oh yeah. Because you know sometimes you're daydreaming because sometimes you're like maybe like looking at them and trying to multitask, so you're looking at them with love but you're not really listening sometimes because you're like trying to maybe get some other things done like scheduling in your mind while they're kind of talking or wanting you to watch the 950th same move on the trampoline. Oh FedEx.
Jennifer Tracy: Delivery, FedEx.
Jenna Elfman: Delivery.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. There is the dogs barking.
Jenna Elfman: There they are. So yeah, I got a little like ha. I really, really, really am finding, I have to put the phone down and just do what I'm doing while I'm doing it, but it's a self-discipline thing. I just have to go, okay, I am actually going to really be in this moment with him. I'm going to just be with him on this trampoline and I'm not going to think about other things. I'm going to ... Then you have to just become even more of a ninja of time management, because there's so many things to do. Really, I was thinking about this earlier today. Why do I feel like there's so much more to do than there was five years ago? I am so much more overwhelmed.
Jennifer Tracy: I think it's the phones.
Jenna Elfman: That's all I can think of. It's the phones.
Jennifer Tracy: I really think it's the phones. I haven't figured any of it out yet. I don't know if you get this on your phone. I get the reports of like my screen time. It's shocking.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. It's bad. It's a vortex.
Jennifer Tracy: And then I'm like, well, why do I feel overwhelmed if I was spending that much time on my phone? I don't know what it is and then the psychology. I know there'd been studies about Instagram. I love Instagram. I use it for my business, but what it does to you psychologically and I don't know, but I feel overwhelmed all the time.
Jennifer Tracy: I just hired a personal assistant this summer for the first time ever. I felt very guilty about it. That's not for me or whatever. I have her five hours a week. It's been a game changer. I still feel overwhelmed with all this stuff. Because it's allowed me for more expansion and more amazing projects and helping more women and doing more stuff. I go to that place of overwhelm. I don't know. I'm still working it out where I'm like how do I ...
Jenna Elfman: I think it lets in so many communications at once.
Jennifer Tracy: That's it. That's it.
Jenna Elfman: It's like when three people start talking at the same time and you're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, like both my kids are talking to me at the same time.
Jennifer Tracy: And someone is texting you and your husband is calling you.
Jenna Elfman: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let alone like Instagram messages. It's just like, oh my god. I think we're doing it to ourselves. I think it requires exponential self-discipline to go, okay. We didn't used to have Instagram, so there was a whole way of operating in life without it. Now, it's like business, but I think we have to find times during the day where we do it, where we shut it off or we do it and then we're done. It's like, when you get in bed you're not going to be doing anything else. Everyone is on their phones. Okay, maybe that's a good time to post anyway like get in bed.
Jenna Elfman: It doesn't eat into production time during the day. Like if I'm going to go shopping or do some research on something or go have a meeting, I want my attention, all of my bandwidth to be on the thing I'm doing so that all of my personal power is focused on that vector, so then I'm making the most out of the things I'm doing in life.
Jenna Elfman: If I'm checking Instagram while I'm waiting for the meeting or when I go to the bathroom, it's like dispersing my focus and then I'm deluding my thought process, my goal making ability, my intention for whatever I'm engaged in in real life. I think we have to sort of do like a reorganize of our habit with it, not just do it less but you know-
Jennifer Tracy: Just how and when.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: I'm with you. I'm so with you. I was at the Hollywood Bowl last night to see vampire weekend. It was so amazing. I just love going to see live anything. These guys, this band is incredible. I didn't even realize how amazing they are. I was just blown away.
Jennifer Tracy: I'm at the Hollywood Bowl, I mean not to mention just like the pot wafting. I mean, I remember I grew up in the '90s and it was like, I went to Red Rocks. I grew up in Colorado. There was like a few people smoking a joint here and there. Now, it's just like everywhere because it's legal. That was really strong to my senses.
Jennifer Tracy: Everyone had their phones out and they're recording, recording and taking selfies. Fine. I don't have judgment about that. Here's what I noticed. I was like, wow, all the people on the stage don't have their phones out because they're busy performing and they can't. They're completely focused on giving everything they have. They are baring their souls and their artistry to thousands of people. If you don't, you won't be great and you won't make a good living.
Jenna Elfman: Exactly. Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: It's like I teach my kid this all the time, is like I'm actually concerned for the next generation because they're not learning to stay with one thing and find the power that comes when you're really putting all of your attention on what you're doing while you're doing it. There's tremendous power, like personal strength and power in that kind of focus, and taking something to a done, whatever it is. Whether it's performing a piece of music or reading a book or writing a letter or doing your to-do list, or painting. Whatever it is that's productive that moves the needle on your enhancement or the people around you improves your survivability, whatever it is. If it's all diluted because of dispersal, it takes the power away.
Jennifer Tracy: I feel like the world to get better and to keep moving forward requires everyone to be at their personal best with regard to like focused attention and creativity, whether it's engineering, business, cleaning. I don't care if you're a janitor. Be like the best fucking janitor. Run that joint and make it amazing, where people who come are like, wow.
Jenna Elfman: Who does this?
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. I mean you're enhancing the world. It doesn't matter what you do. What level or how big or small your influence is, if your power is focused and it's important and it's needed, I think that there's a generation that's going to look up and go, "What? Wait what?" In mass.
Jenna Elfman: Totally.
Jennifer Tracy: And realize that they're all like slaves because when they weren't looking, the assholes took over. You know what I mean? That's my concern. They think they're learning about the world because they're "connected", but they couldn't handle the world if it comes right up in front of their face because that's a different skill set. Anyway, that's my big-
Jenna Elfman: I love it.
Jennifer Tracy: I really do feel strongly. I have really strict rules with my kids on their phones and electronics. I am a not kind person when it comes to enforcing this rule. I'm really, really passionate about that. I mean I really hate it a lot when I see this 13-year-olds. I'm like, what are you going to do at 22? You've peaked. You've peaked and you were so busy looking at your phone, you can't have a conversation with another human. That's how you solve problems. That's how you use live communication.
Jennifer Tracy: In 22, you're just getting started. You're just realizing you don't know shit. You see the kids at a table, none of them are conversing. None of them are looking at each other. It's on a via, like they're communicating via something. They're going to be a bunch of scaredy cats when it comes to actual confrontation, like how to look someone in the eye and communicate and solve a problem is in communication. You have to have bravery to look another human being in the eye and communicate your truth and be willing to hold your position, receive another person's truth, debate it, communicate.
Jenna Elfman: Feel uncomfortable.
Jennifer Tracy: Totally, but know what you would like to say and then straighten out your intensions. I mean, those are grown up things that require practice. You have to practice it in life. You have to practice communicating with people and being embarrassed and finding out how communication solves. It's an exercise in life. If y your parents aren't enforcing a self-discipline on that, I just think the parents really ... Parents get lazy because they don't have to parent because the kids are on electronics and taken care of.
Jenna Elfman: And they're tired.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah.
Jenna Elfman: Myself included. I have times where I'm like, okay, if I just watch TV. I mean, couple things, I just hired this woman to come. She was incredible. She just got certified I guess. I'm sorry, is this pulling on you?
Jenna Elfman: Mm-mm (negative).
Jennifer Tracy: Okay. I didn't realize. She just got certified as a Marie Kondo organizer. I hired her to come in because my son has so many toys and he's a hoarder. She spent all weekend helping us clean and organize. We got rid of three cars full of stuff that we just didn't need or want, myself included.
Jenna Elfman: Incredible. I was going to say by the way, this is my first time to your house. But I walked in and it felt like it had been Marie Kondo. I was like, oh, is nice in clean. Oh wow, this is probably ... She's cleaned this out. This feels like a good result of a Marie Kondo kind of thing.
Jennifer Tracy: You knew it.
Jenna Elfman: I did, because it feels very precise. The things that are here feel like-
Jennifer Tracy: They're there for a reason.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. It feels good as a guest to come into a space like that. I just started doing it myself and teaching my kids. Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.
Jennifer Tracy: Not at all, not at all, not at all, yeah. She was so great with him because he already has anxiety about letting things go in a lot of ways, but materially, and she said, "This is not about forcing you to get rid of anything," even though he then did because he was empowered to make the choice himself.
Jennifer Tracy: She said, "This is about seeing what you have and organizing it and getting into the feeling of what makes you ..." Now, this was the most time he'd spent looking at it at his toys and not a videogame, because he's really into videogames right now, in a long time and he had a lot of emotions come up, a lot of discomfort. We sat through it. We worked through it. He cried. He had feelings about like the divorce came up.
Jenna Elfman: There are symbols.
Jennifer Tracy: It was great. I was uncomfortable for me, but I just thought this is part of this. This is really exciting. Then something magical happened. The kids didn't have school on Monday because it was a Jewish holiday. He had two little boys over, two friends from school. This is right after everything had been cleaned, Jenna. These three boys were here from, I don't know, noon to 6:00. They played outside with ... They had Nerf guns were part of it. They were playing dress up and making little forts outside with the patio furniture for six hours.
Jenna Elfman: Wow.
Jennifer Tracy: I was just blown away by ... I mean, this sort of circles around the devices and all these things. I don't know how much of it was the impact of reorganizing and getting rid of stuff. I think a lot of it was because the clutter just literally made literal cellular, physical space for both of us and in our home.
Jennifer Tracy: They were so happy and at one point, I ordered some pizza and they were sitting outside in the backyard eating pizza and just talking and laughing, and talking about movies, and talking about girls. I was sort of peeking through the kitchen window unseen. I just thought, this is the stuff.
Jenna Elfman: Those are the greatest memories as a parent. Oh god, you're like conversing and living, and creating, and making meaning with your friends and then making meaning for me because you're winning. You just feel like, okay, I'm not a total-
Jennifer Tracy: I did something right.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Or heated, I don't know. It was such a great feeling, because I do. I struggle as a parent with the whole devices thing and the videogame thing is really hard. The hardest thing for me is that all the other kids are doing it, which sounds so stupid and like such a cop-out. All his other friends are playing. They want him to log on and play with them. I struggle with that very much.
Jenna Elfman: I make a rule.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, tell me.
Jenna Elfman: They're allowed to do it. He's not playing baseball now but when he was playing baseball, it was Saturday afternoons after baseball. Now it's just Saturdays, because now he's not doing that right now. He's allowed on Saturday mornings to wake up and do it until mid-noon or 11:00 or something when we start getting out the door and starting our day. So he gets Saturday morning.
Jennifer Tracy: That's nice. That's like a treat. That's a special treat.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. Then like on Sunday, in the afternoons after we have like a family morning or whatever before we go to something else, he can do it for a little bit. It's like on the weekends here and there, he's allowed, then never during the week. It does not exist during the week, during the school week period. That's it. I don't even let them look at their phones during the week.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so great.
Jenna Elfman: Unless they're calling me for some reason, which is rare because we're always together. Unless they're ... I'm a dick about it.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so great though.
Jenna Elfman: I am an asshole.
Jennifer Tracy: I'm a pushover about it.
Jenna Elfman: I'm a pushover about other things. I love them. I'm generous with my love. We have a lot of humor in the house. I am a fucking asshole about that. I'm like, "Get off your fucking phone. Why are you on your phone? What day is it? What time of day is it? Why are you on your fucking phone? I'm taking away three," and I take away three reward points.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, tell me about the reward point system.
Jenna Elfman: We have a point system. If they do something extra great or helpful like beyond the normal expectation of chores, we call it an Elfman card. Like "Hey, without you asking me, I went around and I grabbed all the extra boxes and put them in the recycling. Can I have an Elfman card for that?" I'm like, "Yeah, totally." If they do something uncool that they know is uncool.
Jennifer Tracy: It's deduction.
Jenna Elfman: Deduction.
Jennifer Tracy: Got it.
Jenna Elfman: They get a warning, unless it's just a blatant rule break, like being on the phone during the week, I don't give a warning.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so great.
Jenna Elfman: There's no warning. I just said, "Oh you're on your phone? Oh, that's a bummer. You're losing an Elfman card." I just walk, "Okay, okay, I'm putting it down." I said, "It's too late. You know you're not supposed to do that." I am just ruthless. I don't care. I don't care.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so great. No, it's so good. That's how the real world is. There's no warning.
Jenna Elfman: Well, because it's so insidious. It's so easy to just work its way back in. I feel like if I don't keep it black and white on that rule, we're all going to just going to go into the mud. Because I know how insidious it is for me as a grown up, the phones. They haven't even learned like how to run their life yet.
Jenna Elfman: And so, I don't want them to be a slave to something before they ... They're still learning about their life. I don't want them to be misled about life before they've even learned life. Those phones are just so dangerous. They don't fucking need to be on their phones. Give me a fucking break. You're nine and 12. You don't need to be on your phone.
Jennifer Tracy: I know.
Jenna Elfman: I'm just. I'm ruthless.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that. Now, is your older one about to go in to high school yet?
Jenna Elfman: No, 7th.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, 7th, okay, still middle school. Yeah, mine is starting middle school next year, which is so ... I mean, it's only October but I'm already just freaking out about that.
Jenna Elfman: I totally understand. I've set it up in a different way for us. We have a homeschool situation with some teachers and a small group of kids.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so great.
Jenna Elfman: I travel so much so they can come with me, do it that way. He had been in three different schools, leading up to this situation. It just wasn't working for him. He just was not doing well. I just went, all right, this was before my youngest or right when my youngest was still a baby. I went, you know what? This is hell. This is not good. We just formed a different situation that was going to work for him. I keep hitting the mic. Sorry.
Jennifer Tracy: No, don't worry. Don't worry. You're fine.
Jenna Elfman: It's been really great. We have our friends and their kids and we sit at home.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so great. I have some friends who do that. I wonder if it's the same. They love it. They're like, "It just really works for us." My journey, and I've shared about this one on the show, is that I had my kid in this real like darling, which is how I met Kathryn, like this really darling private school, and I loved it, loved it, loved it. It's little cute progressive school, absolutely not right for my kiddo. Not the way he learn, not the way his brain process.
Jennifer Tracy: In 2nd grade, the teachers came. They were just like so gently like, something is up, had him assessed. It turns out he's dyslexic. And so now he goes to this really amazing crazy expensive school in Ensino, but it's been great. It's just been great for him. His confidence is better. He met these other boys. They all sort of struggle from similar things. There's no stigma. There's no like, "Ew you're weird. Why can't you read fast?"
Jennifer Tracy: They all come out the way they come out and they have their individual needs and their individual ways that they learn. I think most schools as I'm learning, god, my couch is so peeled. I'm just looking, I'm like Jesus. It's terrible.
Jenna Elfman: It's comfy.
Jennifer Tracy: It is very lived on. We have two pets and one boy, and several boys. We always have people over. Generally, the way that systematic, if that's the right word, education is set up, it doesn't work for most kids.
Jenna Elfman: It's true.
Jennifer Tracy: Because it's like-
Jenna Elfman: It really doesn't.
Jennifer Tracy: If it's one size fits all, that's not even ...
Jenna Elfman: It goes against all natural law of like we are all ... We're all different. Like hello. We all know we're all different. So how could one size fits all. Making children, like we have a thing where they play in equal amounts of time that they study.
Jennifer Tracy: That's brilliant.
Jenna Elfman: If they study for 20 minutes, they play for 20 minutes. Then they do the next subject for however long.
Jennifer Tracy: They need that. Their bodies needed.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah, especially boys are rigged very differently than girls. Like my friends who have girls, the girls will just sit and like self utter game for a really long time. Like gobsmackingly, like curious long time. How is she still in that one location?
Jennifer Tracy: I know.
Jenna Elfman: My boys have hit like 50 locations in the same amount of time.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Jenna Elfman: I just find educationally to be able to work with that and to use things that interest in them in their studies. It turned out my 12-year-old, he's as farsighted as you can get. We didn't know that. Because at the annual pediatrician appointment at the time, they were doing the eye exam. This is something I really think all parents should really pay attention to, is vision and really have your kids when they're starting school like every year.
Jennifer Tracy: Go to an actual eye doctor.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah, or if there is anything that shows up like all odd on the normal vision exam at the pediatrician. Take them to an ophthalmologist and just have like that kind of exam. Because we were at the pediatrician and doing the down the hallway and looking at the letters. He started, he was fine, he was fine, he was fine. Then as they start getting smaller, he got so anxious and so antsy. I just thought, he lost interest. He's getting bored. Maybe he's hungry. This thing as a mother, you're like ... He's like ... And he's a boy. They don't fucking stick around paying attention that long. It's boring. You're looking at letters. What does it even mean to him? He's like, what am I doing?
Jenna Elfman: It's so easy to just go, oh he's probably getting hungry. It's that time of day, whatever. Then my mother-in-law happened to ... I was out running an errand. She was over one weekend. I came home, she's like, "He mentioned that I looked a little blurry. And so, I started asking more questions and was putting myself in different positions, close to him, far from him. I think you should go take him to an ophthalmologist."
Jenna Elfman: I was like, you know, then I harken back to the pediatrician appointment. I went, you know now that make sense because he was getting super uncomfortable. I had just written it off to all these other things, come to find out, literally like I don't think the prescription can go anymore farsighted. He's as farsighted. As a child, the world around them is big and kind of dangerous because they're small. They need our parents. They need their parents, security, and to have it all out of focus.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my god. How scary.
Jenna Elfman: Totally.
Jennifer Tracy: That's so terrifying.
Jenna Elfman: Exactly. It explains so much behavior that he had been exhibiting. At one of the schools, they're like on the soccer field trying to soccer, he almost had a panic attack. I was like, he's such a friendly kid. He's not scared of other kids. Like why in these scenarios does he suddenly get super weird? It's not panic attack. It was dangerous to him because it was so many moving bodies that were out of focus. He was just overwhelmed. But then, he doesn't know what that is because he doesn't know that he's out of vision. It's like funny little anomalies that then makes sense. Boy, was that amazing, when he got his glasses delivered.
Jennifer Tracy: Game changer.
Jenna Elfman: Unbelievable. Unbelievable. He was like, oh. He was so excited waiting for his glasses because he got a hint of it at the doctor when they ... He was like, "Oh my god, this is what the world looks like? Oh my god."
Jennifer Tracy: How old was he then?
Jenna Elfman: He was like six and a half.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my god, baby.
Jenna Elfman: Maybe seven. That's why he had been in a couple of schools in the five, six getting to seven, like we're trying to figure out what was going on.
Jennifer Tracy: I know.
Jenna Elfman: So then we already had this home school scenario and that was working so we just kept it going. We got our youngest into the fold. They're winning and doing great. People ask how long I plan on doing it, I'm just like, "Take it one year at a time." My life is constantly changing and shifting. So yeah.
Jenna Elfman: They can move at their own pace this way too and not go past things that aren't just grasped. It's like if they're having slow ... Little behind in this subject. He sped up in that subject. We can pay attention to that and help curate that. Luckily, I have a life that supports that kind of thing. I feel very blessed to be able to do that for them.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Jenna Elfman: Because I know that it is not a reality for many people at all. For sure.
Jennifer Tracy: Same, same. I talk about the two. I went to the dyslexia convention kind of the year before he went to this new school, so two years ago. I met all these parents. I met all these teachers. I met all these parents. It was incredible. I met doctors and learned so much about it. I'm very, very privileged that I, with my ex-husband, we can send him to this very expensive school for language learning. There were parents there, I met this mom she's like, "Oh my life is standing in line in government offices, advocating for my child to get the help he needs in our local public school." I've become-
Jenna Elfman: Mothers.
Jennifer Tracy: What we do.
Jenna Elfman: Don't fuck with us, man.
Jennifer Tracy: Don't fuck with us.
Jenna Elfman: Seriously.
Jennifer Tracy: She works full time. She works full time.
Jenna Elfman: Incredible. What an incredible, incredible lioness.
Jennifer Tracy: You're a goddess.
Jenna Elfman: I think moms are awesome.
Jennifer Tracy: They are the best, that's why I started the MILF podcast.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. I get it. No, but you do, it takes a village. I feel like, we don't live in a village aspect anymore, but we I think as human beings are partial to that and meeting that.
Jennifer Tracy: We are wired to connect.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah, like hormonally, our bodies respond in that way. I think we're spiritual beings, but we have. There is also a practical human level of operating that does need that support system. The busier we get, yes, there's the online communities and it's so helpful. To sit face-to-face and hear someone's story, I just think it's so beneficial.
Jennifer Tracy: There's nothing like it.
Jenna Elfman: No.
Jennifer Tracy: There's nothing like it.
Jenna Elfman: And hearing like this podcast is very helpful to just me laughing, me defying listening to Kathryn's podcast with you made my day better because I was like, okay, it's not just me, okay.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, that's it. It's not just me.
Jenna Elfman: It's like that desire to find seclusion and reorient your thoughts and your goals. We move so fast. We are accomplishing these goals. But you have to find time to set new goals and you can't do it sitting with like noise of your kids and your husband and the world impinging upon you.
Jenna Elfman: So much is demanded of us now as women even more to be creative, and work, and have jobs. You have to ... Whether it's just taking time to go for a walk for 20 minutes, like just get your body out the door and go do it, and have your own thoughts. Because you will break. It all breaks apart if you don't.
Jenna Elfman: You must or just lock the fucking door when you go to the bathroom and just stand there a little longer and just whatever you got to do to just get yourself back in order. It's the same thing with date night. We make sure that we go out or just grab a coffee together because we were the thing that formed the family, so we're the source of the family. If the source breaks down, there's no family. You can't let yourself get all overworked. I mean it's just self-discipline. No one is going to do it for you. No one is going to go, "You know what, you go have some time to yourself." Maybe once every six months, a girlfriend is going to protect you on that one. You have to. Just find the time and it's so worth it.
Jennifer Tracy: So worth it.
Jenna Elfman: Because you just get yourself straight again. It's like a car will just break down. It's like you will just break down if you don't just keep yourself enough freed up bandwidth. It's like you become a spinning rainbow wheel like loading, loading, loading.
Jennifer Tracy: Totally.
Jenna Elfman: It just won't function.
Jennifer Tracy: Well see, you bring up something I wanted to ask you about. You brought up being a woman and being a woman in the arts. How do you feel because you've been in the business for a long time now, how do you feel the business has changed for women in the last however many years you've been doing it? Have you seen positive change?
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. I think it's moving in the right direction. I think there's just like a DNA mentality about women, but I definitely think we've been noisy enough to make a difference. Like let's say maybe eight years ago, I was negotiating on something. I told the story at Sundance this year. I was on a panel with Octavia Spencer. We're talking about that kind of women in the industry. I was told I couldn't make more than the guy, straight up. I said, "Why?" Number one, he had never done television before and wasn't going to be doing any press.
Jennifer Tracy: Are you serious? Oh my god,
Jenna Elfman: I said, "Excuse me?"
Jennifer Tracy: I don't know why I'm in shock. I don't know why I'm in shock.
Jenna Elfman: No, it's because it's totally appalling. Statistically, I had better statistics on this area.
Jennifer Tracy: Not to mention your resume.
Jenna Elfman: Let alone my quote, and my resume, and my Golden Globe Award, and my Emmy nominations.
Jennifer Tracy: Hello.
Jenna Elfman: Not boasting about myself but just about comparisons.
Jennifer Tracy: It's facts.
Jenna Elfman: The fella, I was like, "Okay, never mind. Bye-bye." I said, "Why do you say this to me?" They said, "Well, it would be awkward on set." I said, "For who? For who? Who is it going to be awkward for? The fella? What are you fucking talking about?"
Jennifer Tracy: Do they have a response to that?
Jenna Elfman: Well, ultimately I got paid what I was wanting to get paid. I made it happen.
Jennifer Tracy: Good for you.
Jenna Elfman: Because I don't eat shit on that, hell no. I worked my fucking ass off, I'm not going to eat shit. I'm just not. I am a very loving person. I am very patient. I'm very compassionate. I care a lot about human beings. But I'm not going to fucking eat shit because it's going to be awkward on set for some gentleman who's never done television before, when I'm going to be away from my kids busting my ass doing all the press. You can go fuck yourself. Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, yes, yes.
Jenna Elfman: It's just not. I'm sorry, no.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my god. I just fell in love with you on a whole new level. Oh my god. I want all of that on a t-shirt, the entire monologue on a t-shirt. That was so good. Yeah.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. It's just not okay. It's just not okay.
Jennifer Tracy: Well, and the only way that it stops is when a woman like yourself says no.
Jenna Elfman: Any evil, evil only continues because good people don't say no. That's purely the only reason it continues. The good people are too scared to confront, too scared to face the difficult conversation, which is what we're talking about earlier why I'm scared for this next generation because they have no practice looking at another person in the face going no. I don't hate you. I'm not your enemy, but no, just no. No. You come back to me with another solution. Until then, I'm just waiting here with my no. If you would like it to be different, come back with another proposal. I will sit here waiting patiently with a smile on my face.
Jenna Elfman: That's integrity. Integrity doesn't have to be hostile. You don't have to be an asshole. You just have to be effective and straight up. It's just like no. Also, it's not a good idea to treat me that way because I'm really fucking nice. If you're an asshole to nice people, it's not going to be good for your karma. Really. It's not going to be good for you to harm me or attempt to harm a good person. That's not good for you. I'm not going to let you do that. On behalf of your well-being, I'm not going to let you treat me like shit.
Jennifer Tracy: I'm going to hold you accountable. I love that.
Jenna Elfman: Just I'm just not going to. It's not going to be good for anybody. I wasn't asking for some abhorrent amount of money. It was just like reasonable.
Jennifer Tracy: Normal, what you should be getting paid, yeah.
Jenna Elfman: Because I was already lying down for my quote. I'm not going to now take less than the lead guy because it's uncomfortable for somebody, like no, thank you, because I know what I bring. I know what a pro I am. I know that every dollar spent on me is worthwhile, because I really bust ass. I'm really fun to work with. I have a fucking great attitude. I'm really helpful. I promote the show. People enjoy working with me. That's my pride. It's not like I'm asking for something that's going to not have a proper exchange on it. I'm not asking to be paid a ton so I can do nothing.
Jennifer Tracy: Right.
Jenna Elfman: I know I deliver so I'm telling you, you're going to get all of me. I give everything. If you want all of this, you have to exchange properly because it's valuable.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, oh my god. If there's one gift I could give just a little bit of to every woman in the world, it would be that mentality, just to open up to that mentality. Knowing your worth and just demanding proper due for it.
Jenna Elfman: I don't know. I know I'm good at what I do. I worked hard. I continue. I still study acting. I'm still trying to learn and get better. Every take I'm trying to be better so that I feel like I'm delivering on what they're paying me for. It's important to me and my pride of delivering a good product.
Jenna Elfman: It's like businesses have surveys, will you fill out this survey on were you pleased with your service or pleased with the product. For me, it's like continuing to be employed by and on projects I desire to do and to have people I get feedback that they're so happy to be working with me and they're pleased with more work. That's my customer service quality control. I care about it. I'm not a dick on set. I am not a dick to my coworkers. I've worked with so many complaining bitchy ungrateful actors, which still I just cannot wrap my head around. What are you doing? Do you know how many people would kill-
Jennifer Tracy: Give anything to be here, yeah.
Jenna Elfman: ... to be in your shoes. Let's look at the world here. There's so many homeless. There's so many people having the roughest go, man. You're going to be here-
Jennifer Tracy: Bitching a crap service about whatever.
Jenna Elfman: Or just whatever, it's valid like don't be a dick. Take some responsibility. Be a gentleman or a lady. Be graceful. Set a really good example on what it means to be a pro. Be benevolent and be effective and make the other guy better. Your idea might be great. Why don't we make everybody better in a really graceful cool way? Where do you get off being a ... I can just like no jerk zone. I can't do it. I really don't support it. I really try to encourage people if they're having a rough go onset or don't like your writing, go make everybody better then. Set a good example. It's a pet peeve of mine. I just don't know where you get off thinking you can be an asshole. It's a hardworking good people. No. That's the no thing again.
Jennifer Tracy: No again.
Jenna Elfman: Maybe they have a very good reason why they're unhappy, but I just think you got to take some responsibility for how you execute it.
Jennifer Tracy: Humility is one of my favorite qualities and yet it's hard to find sometimes, especially in Hollywood, just anywhere.
Jenna Elfman: It's so ridiculous. I'm like, can I call your mother please? Like who raised you?
Jennifer Tracy: Looking that's probably where it started honestly.
Jenna Elfman: Like where did you learn that this is okay, to act this way? No, here's the other beef I have. There's no HR in Hollywood.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Jenna Elfman: You're on set. There's no HR. You have no one to go to.
Jennifer Tracy: God, I never thought of it that way, but you're so right.
Jenna Elfman: Who do you go to? I don't want to sit around talking shit about my coworkers, that makes me less. I don't like how it makes me feel. We do that. People, it's like the default setting because you're trying to get it out of your zone. And so, you find yourself talking about it with your coworkers or your friends, like what the fuck. And then now you're being just as bad as they are. It's just contagious. It's disgusting. I don't like how it makes me feel. I'm not better when I talk negatively about people. And so, I'm like, but who do I go to? I don't want to go to the producers because I don't want to trouble them. It's not like a tattletale. I try talking to a person directly, but they don't change because sometimes-
Jennifer Tracy: They can't hear you, yeah.
Jenna Elfman: You're trying to be right. I find that really challenging sometimes in Hollywood. There's no HR.
Jennifer Tracy: No HR. I never thought about it that way.
Jenna Elfman: There's no HR in Hollywood.
Jennifer Tracy: Jenna, what's next for you?
Jenna Elfman: Season 6 of Fear the Walking Dead. I'm really enjoying my time on it. I just had my birthday. I just turned 48.
Jennifer Tracy: Happy birthday.
Jenna Elfman: Thanks. I feel very, very blessed that I am able to play this character who has gone through so much. I love my character. I got to do so much fun. The things I get to do on the show are so fun. I get to ride horses and do stunts and shoot guns. I have a romance. I get to be badass. I get to fight. I'm really enjoying it. I can't believe I'm given this opportunity to play this character and her evolution is just so rich. I just feel so lucky. We go back to Texas. The production starts I think like in end of November or something.
Jennifer Tracy: Soon.
Jenna Elfman: I'll be going back on season 6.
Jennifer Tracy: So great. So exciting.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. The kids need more of me than ever.
Jennifer Tracy: You'll be flying back and forth.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah. Happily and exhaustedly.
Jennifer Tracy: Try to take a shower about yourself once in a while.
Jenna Elfman: It's not going to happen, never.
Jennifer Tracy: So Jenna, we've come to the time in the podcast when I ask you three questions that I ask every guest and then we go into a quick lightning round of questions.
Jenna Elfman: Okay.
Jennifer Tracy: What do you think about when you hear the word love?
Jenna Elfman: I think of the panoply of ways that it manifests.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that. What was the word you used? The what?
Jenna Elfman: Panoply.
Jennifer Tracy: Panoply.
Jenna Elfman: Did I use it to right?
Jennifer Tracy: I'm sure you did. I've never heard it. What does it mean?
Jenna Elfman: It's like an array of various like a multitude, that's my understanding. I'd like to look it up in the dictionary now. I'm very curious.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. I love that. All the panoply of western religion. This is amazing. I love it when people teach me new words because I am such a word person. That's a good one. If you could live anywhere in the world other than where you're living now, there would you live?
Jenna Elfman: Italy.
Jennifer Tracy: You just went there with your family.
Jenna Elfman: We did. I think I'm spiritually Italian.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. You have some connection, some other life connection or something.
Jenna Elfman: It's not neurotic. They're just confident. They have all their human emotions of course, but there's just culturally there's a boldness, a confidence. They communicate freely without any ... You don't see them worried about what the other person is going to think about them if they communicate. People are so neurotic. It's just like, hello. Hey. Ciao, bella. You're beautiful. Yeah. Great. What are we doing? Wow. Their animated. They're alive. They celebrate existence. It's like, thank you. Yes. It gave me hope again that we aren't completely losing it because I feel like LA specifically is so insane. I'm a native Angelina. It just feels very weird here in LA these days. It just felt good to go somewhere where people are actually expressing how they actually feel.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that. How do you define serenity?
Jenna Elfman: Privacy. Leave me alone.
Jennifer Tracy: Totally. Lightning round. Fireside or oceanside?
Jenna Elfman: Fireside.
Jennifer Tracy: Favorite junk food.
Jenna Elfman: There's a lot. I like cheese puffs. Cheesy puffs.
Jennifer Tracy: So the puffy kind not the crunchy kind?
Jenna Elfman: No, I like the crunchy kind too.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay, yeah.
Jenna Elfman: Just like crunchy cheesy puffy, either one.
Jennifer Tracy: So good.
Jenna Elfman: Doesn't matter.
Jennifer Tracy: Do you like theme parks?
Jenna Elfman: [inaudible 00:59:39]
Jennifer Tracy: Me neither. Have you ever worn a unitard?
Jenna Elfman: Totally, many times. I hosted the Emmys with David Hyde Pierce. I wore a unitard in our opening comedic dance move, dance number.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Did he as well?
Jenna Elfman: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Jennifer Tracy: Oh yes.
Jenna Elfman: They are purple.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh, I need to go look that video up. That's incredible.
Jenna Elfman: It's very weird.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that stuff. I love it. Daytime sex or nighttime sex.
Jenna Elfman: Nighttime, well I do daytime too, but those are usually like kind of a little faster. A lot of times at night too, I pass out early. It just depends. I prefer nighttime.
Jennifer Tracy: If energy and time allows, yes.
Jenna Elfman: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: Shower or bathtub?
Jenna Elfman: Bathtub.
Jennifer Tracy: I love a bath. Me too.
Jenna Elfman: I like sweating. I like taking the bath so hot until I'm sweating and then I just like to go and be a noodle and lay in bed. But I never had that kind of time. When I do, that's my most favorite thing.
Jennifer Tracy: On the scale of 1 to 10, how good are you at making lasagna?
Jenna Elfman: Zero. I don't even think I've ever made lasagna. I don't cook.
Jennifer Tracy: Superpower choice, invisibility, ability to fly, or super strength?
Jenna Elfman: Invisibility, serenity, privacy, leave me alone, invisibility.
Jennifer Tracy: Would you rather have a cat tail or cat ears?
Jenna Elfman: Tail.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah.
Jenna Elfman: The ears are weird. They got like weird folds in them.
Jennifer Tracy: And the tail you could just keep take it out when you want it.
Jenna Elfman: You can just stroke it. It's just soft and silky. Yeah. It shows mood.
Jennifer Tracy: I like that. It's expressive, the tail.
Jenna Elfman: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: What was the name of your first pet?
Jenna Elfman: Sammy, Samantha. It's a little blonde mutt. Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: What was the name of the street you grew up on?
Jenna Elfman: Ruffner.
Jennifer Tracy: Your [inaudible 01:01:32] name, or your MILF name is Sammy Ruffner.
Jenna Elfman: It's good, right?
Jennifer Tracy: That is amazing. That's one of the best ones I ever heard.
Jenna Elfman: I love it.
Jennifer Tracy: It's so good. Jenna, you're a delight. Thank you so much for being on the show.
Jenna Elfman: You too. Thank you. Thanks for having me. It's fun talking. To everyone listening, thanks. I hope that you have a great day. I hope you take time for yourself and just respect yourself. It's okay to your respect yourself.
Jennifer Tracy: It's okay to say no.
Jenna Elfman: Totally okay, the fuck. It's like your right. It's your right to say no.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay.
Jenna Elfman: You can always change your mind. It's not like the end of the world.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes, yes. Thanks Jenna.
Jenna Elfman: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Jennifer Tracy: Thanks so much for listening guys. I really hope you enjoyed my conversation with Jenna. Come back next week for a fresh episode of MILF, where I interview Kate Grace Bauer, the director of operations for Ashley Longshore Art all the way in New Orleans. I love you, guys. Keep going.