Haize Hawke R.: Love as my banner and shield is my most powerful source and weapon. It just really is. Love, she's fierce. She's not all roses and butterflies and chocolate. She's fierce. Just because I can find the loving road or I do lead a heart-led life or I am somebody who believes in being positive, does not mean that I'm just going to sit down and take some foolishness. I'm not.
Speaker 2: You're listening to the MILF Podcast. This is the show where we talk about motherhood and sexuality with amazing women with fascinating stories to share on the joys of being a MILF. Now here's your host, the MILFiest MILF I know, Jennifer Tracy.
Jennifer Tracy: Hey guys. Welcome back to the show. This is MILF Podcast, the show where we talk about motherhood, entrepreneurship, sexuality, and everything in between. I'm Jennifer Tracy, your host. Today on the show we have such a treat for you. I can't wait to introduce today's guest, but I'm going to because I have a couple of business announcements. I shouldn't call them business announcements because automatically that sounds like that's no fun. But they are fun. Yeah, a couple things, one is just to remind you guys the charity for this month is Save The Children. You can go to my website and learn about them on my giving page.
Jennifer Tracy: You can give to them directly or you can write an iTunes review for the show. If you do so, I will donate $25 per iTunes review written in the month of May to Save The Children. Secondly, my writing course starts at the end of June, mid-June, I'm sorry. Sign-up for that is on my website. If you want to sign up, I'd love to have you. It's a six-week online writing course. Everything I do is story. The podcast is stories, sharing women's stories, elevating women's voices, and so working with writers, I wanted to expand that. Using the tool of the Worldwide Web, I've been able to do that. I can work with women. I mainly get women. I've worked with men as well, by the way. So if you're a man and you want to sign up for the course, please do. Don't be shy. It's not women only.
Jennifer Tracy: But the bulk of my clients are women. Because of the Internet and being able to do this, I can work with so many more writers and help them execute their stories. That's been so much fun. I love it. I love it. I love working with people in person. I want to do more of that and expand that as well. But I only have so much time and this has just been really fun. So anyway, go to my website. You could sign up for that on milfpodcast.com or jennifertracy.com.
Jennifer Tracy: Today's guest is Haize Hawke Rosen. I met Haize at the Self Care Project back in November. I just saw her from afar and I just was like, "Oh my God. That woman is really something special." And then at the end of the day, I just kept looking over at her. She's absolutely physically stunning, but it's so much more than that. Just the energy around her being is magnetic, absolutely magnetic. At the end of the day, I remember she was up on the stage telling the sound guy, "Well, I think I'm going to need this." I crossed paths with her and I said ... I'm such a dork. She smiled at me and looked because she's extremely gracious and loving.
Jennifer Tracy: I said, "I don't know what you're about to do, but I'm really excited for it." And then a couple months later, I contacted her and I just started hounding her about being on the show. We kept missing each other because she's a doula and a midwife and a healer. She has many, many talents and many, many certifications. She was always helping birth a baby, helping a mom birth a baby, so she was kind of busy. So we kept missing each other. We scheduled, I think, a couple times and that fell through. One time she got kicked in the eye at a birth. She was like, "I got kicked in the eye." I'm like, "Oh my God."
Jennifer Tracy: But I just kept on. I think at two point I said, "I'm gently stalking you," or something like that. "I want you to know that I'm gently, but very firmly, stalking you to be on the show." Finally, we got together and it was just magic. I'm absolutely in love with Haize and I think you guys are going to be too.
Jennifer Tracy: Hi Haize.
Haize Hawke R.: Hello darling.
Jennifer Tracy: Thank you so much for being here.
Haize Hawke R.: Oh my gosh. Look at us. We actually made this happen.
Jennifer Tracy: We actually made this happen.
Haize Hawke R.: What a ride. No, because you talked to me, you asked me-
Jennifer Tracy: November?
Haize Hawke R.: ... November, early November.
Jennifer Tracy: After the self care thing.
Haize Hawke R.: Right. Which was the first week of November, wasn't it?
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Yes. What I love too is that coming over here, I was racing from my son's school. You were racing from your daughter's school. This is it. This is the deal.
Haize Hawke R.: This is the work.
Jennifer Tracy: We fit things in as they go and reschedule and juggle. That's just part of being a woman. I have been very politely stalking you since November because I just adore you and I love your energy. I love everything that you, all the work that you're doing and everything that you're putting out there. It's just so beautiful. I wanted to learn more about you and your origin and how you came to be this version of yourself.
Haize Hawke R.: Wow.
Jennifer Tracy: We can't possibly fit all of that in in an hour, but where did you grow up?
Haize Hawke R.: Wow.
Jennifer Tracy: You're like, "I need a minute."
Haize Hawke R.: You know what? We're not going to fit it in all in, but we can do our best.
Jennifer Tracy: We can do our best.
Haize Hawke R.: I was born in the United States. I was born in Georgia. I'm a Georgia peach. Even though I don't have the accent, I am a Georgia peach. My mom and dad grew up in this very small town in Alabama called Union Springs, which I really consider my home even though I wasn't there the most. But that's the heart of my family, so that's home. Two months after I was born we moved to Europe. My dad was in the Air Force. I just have to take a moment to say, because the origin of me is about my mom and dad, two of the most courageous people ever on the planet because literally this very small town had nothing but heart, determination, intelligence, and perseverance.
Haize Hawke R.: This small town, it still has no fast foods, no movie theaters, no malls. There's nothing. It's just people persevering through the ages. They grew up there and my dad had the courage enough to enlist in the Air Force and leave. And then he comes back and he asks my mom who he knew he was going to marry since he saw her when they first moved into the neighborhood. She's seven. I forget how old he is. He's like eight years older than her or something like that. He was like, "Wow." He just decided he was going to wait for her. I was like, who does this? But his family became best friends with that family, the Hawkins and the Nance family. He came back from being overseas and asked my mom to marry him and she said yes.
Haize Hawke R.: And then they both leave after I'm born and go to Europe with no idea, my mom especially, she'd been in Alabama this whole time. The courage that they ... I think that's where my fearlessness of life is coming from. They're interested. They're curious. They were always befriending people. They crossed cultures and genders and classes. They just were living their lives. I think they imparted that to me. My origin is from those two amazing beings who were fearless and heartful and fun-loving. So that's where I began. I was raised in Europe all over the place. I think that's where my love of music, cultures, dance, all of that. I mean my whole existence now ... Friends who have known me the longest are amazed that I'm in birth work because I was a theater babe.
Haize Hawke R.: I was classically trained in dance and theater. Martha Graham Ballet, Eric Hawkins. I studied at Alvin Ailey, Broadway Dance Center. I was at Strausburg in New York. The whole journey to here is pretty big and it's very windy.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, yeah. As it does. As it does. That is amazing.
Haize Hawke R.: Isn't that crazy?
Jennifer Tracy: Growing up all over Europe. So you moved from England to other parts of Europe?
Haize Hawke R.: Yes. I've lived in, let's see, Germany. I've been to France, England of course, Turkey. My dad was stationed in Philippines, then back to Europe, and then all over the United States. So I've lived in so many places in the United States, which I think has really fortified me. I mean I love America. I see the faults and I see the growing pains. But it's a really great place. I think I have the right to say that because I have traveled it. I've gone cross-country from west to east, east to west, north to south, diagonally, all the way from Florida to Washington. I've done that.
Haize Hawke R.: I can say that it's a pretty amazing place. We have lots of room to grow, but there's a lot to be proud of.
Jennifer Tracy: Well, and you mentioned this earlier, I do feel like there's a lot of heart. There's just a lot of heart.
Haize Hawke R.: There's a lot of heart.
Jennifer Tracy: And yeah.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah. But I think that's also one of the things that challenges people with me because I don't meet a regular demographic. You can't really place me in one category or not. Like I said, my mom and dad were born and raised in Alabama, so I grew up loving country music. But I also am bonkers for classical music. I love a good raga from India. I am all over African pop. Every place I've ever lived or been I've embraced. I think that informs me, but it also informs how I be in the world and how I relate to people, who I relate to and how I relate to them.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. I mean my sense of you immediately when I first laid eyes on you at the Self Care Project was you just felt so grounded to me in who you are and therefore very open to receiving whatever energies would flow in and out. But I also got the sense that you would not take any shit from anyone.
Haize Hawke R.: I do not. I do not. That's very good. That's a big misconception about me. I get a lot of flack for being very positive. "You're so Pollyanna. You're so positive. What's with this heart-led life and this love as your banner and shield. What does that mean?" I keep explaining to them that my positivity is borne out of seeing the deepest crevices of humanity, not necessarily that I've experienced them. I'm very fortunate that I had a beautiful upbringing. But once I left my parents' home, life was happening to me in a big way. I haven't really spoken too much on a lot of things that I've gone through. That is to come. But it's been challenging.
Haize Hawke R.: I came to this place of understanding that love as my banner and shield is my most powerful source and weapon. It just really is. Love, she's fierce. She's not all roses and butterflies and chocolate. She's fierce. Just because I can find the loving road or I do lead a heart-led life or I am somebody who believes in being positive, does not mean that I'm just going to sit down and take some foolishness. I'm not. If I see foolishness coming, I will deal with it. I deal with it. I deal with it in a loving way because most of the foolishness is coming from children. Children, I don't care how old you are, just ignorance and very easily to be loving to that type of energy.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Yes. Are you holding a selenite wand in your hand?
Haize Hawke R.: I am.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay. Tell me about this.
Haize Hawke R.: Well, it's one of the most healing, clarifying gemstones that there is. So whenever I'm in a birth, holding a Reiki session for a client, doing life coaching, or like this, an interview where it's impacting human beings in a way that I want it to be as clear and as uplifting as possible, high vibrancy, I hold these.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it.
Haize Hawke R.: I just keep it in my hand or I carry it in my pocket or it's in my scrubs or ... but always with me. I have several different ones.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that.
Haize Hawke R.: I do love them.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. I have a small collection of crystals. I do have a selenite ... it's not a wand. It's so beautiful and smooth.
Haize Hawke R.: Isn't it beautiful? It's from Sedona.
Jennifer Tracy: It's gorgeous. But I have, it's like a tower. My son sometimes uses it to play with his Star Wars things because it looks-
Haize Hawke R.: It's perfect.
Jennifer Tracy: It look like ... Sometimes I'll sleep with it under my pillow if I'm going through something really hard.
Haize Hawke R.: It works, doesn't it?
Jennifer Tracy: It really works.
Haize Hawke R.: It does work.
Jennifer Tracy: It really clears it out.
Haize Hawke R.: It does work. I'm so grateful that ... I was actually facilitating a retreat with one of my amazing sister friends, Sonja Marie, her Wordlife Astrology retreat. We were in Sedona and that's where I found this beautiful piece. I love it.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. Yeah. I can feel it. It calmed me down when you just walked out holding it. I knew what it was, but I was like, oh.
Haize Hawke R.: So good. So good. Babies love it too. You ever hold a baby who's a little upset, you just hold the wand in one hand and just rock them. They just calm down.
Jennifer Tracy: So interesting. I wish I would have had that. My gosh. I wish I would have had you when I had my son, but we'll get to that.
Haize Hawke R.: Okay.
Jennifer Tracy: You had this journey, this winding journey from theater babe to dance and performing.
Haize Hawke R.: Which I love.
Jennifer Tracy: You still do.
Haize Hawke R.: I still do.
Jennifer Tracy: You just had to do the drum circle or not a drum circle, it was-
Haize Hawke R.: I led an ecstatic dance meditation drum circle with my lovely, lovely sister, Diana-
Jennifer Tracy: I love her because I got to ... I've seen her.
Haize Hawke R.: You got to. Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: She's so gifted.
Haize Hawke R.: Isn't she amazing? She's magic. She really is.
Jennifer Tracy: She is the real deal.
Haize Hawke R.: She's not even playing with the people on this planet. She's just not. It was a lovely adventure. I get to do a lot of work with the LuvAmp Project with Tony Moss and the Bird Tribe. We do a lot of music and dance. I do a lot of videos with them and a lot of background vocals or singing moments with them. I'm very blessed that I still get to stay in the heart of me. That heart of me allowed me to get the aspects of the healing arts and how they play. So I still use all of those things. I still use dance. I still use theater. It's amazing how it's still very much a part of my life, but it doesn't look the same on the daily.
Haize Hawke R.: I used to be in dance classes every day. I used to be in theater classes every day. But now it informs how I be with my clients and how I be in the world and how I interact with babies.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Oh my gosh. You're speaking my language so much, on so many levels because I work with writers. You were asking before what else do I do-
Haize Hawke R.: Oh how cool.
Jennifer Tracy: I am a writer. I've written a novel and a ton of other things. But the novel is the main focus right now. I work with writers who are wanting to open that part of themselves and create something, whether it's a novel or a TV show or a screenplay or whatever.
Haize Hawke R.: Oh wow.
Jennifer Tracy: My whole thing is that sometimes, I think, as a culture we tend to think of creativity and placing importance on the arts as, well, that's for later or that's for hobby time or that's not important, when in fact, that's actually the most important because it's what connects us to one another. It's what heals us. I mean it's what your parents did. Their creativity allowed them to move and be open and experience all these different things. That's a creative choice.
Haize Hawke R.: Exactly.
Jennifer Tracy: To open yourself to that is, for me, to open yourself to life experience. There's nothing more rich than that.
Haize Hawke R.: Exactly. And what it does is it brings you those magic moments. One of the things I do remember about my mom and dad is the way they brought people together. Their parties were their creations, were their babies. From the music to the food to the games that were played in the room to my dad being the jokester, and there's laughter and there's music, to my mom being the epitome of the hostess, created these warm moments that people still speak about to this day. My mom's been gone since 2014, but the conversation about her, her parties, her work, who she be is that. It's magic moments like that that are the most important things.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. And that resonates. Your children will carry that.
Haize Hawke R.: Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: That is just, it's so deep and we could go off on that conversation-
Haize Hawke R.: I know.
Jennifer Tracy: ... for so long. But I love what you're saying. I understand. I've also lived part of what you're saying, my own version of it obviously. But I went to film school. I was an actress. I came out as an actress. I studied dance for years. I was a singer. It never culminated in this full-time acting career because it wasn't supposed to. That's not my journey. So now it's infused in every piece of what I do, including the podcast. I love it and I feel so grateful every day that I get to-
Haize Hawke R.: It's amazing.
Jennifer Tracy: ... connect the dots in a way.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah. That's beautiful. What you're saying is beautiful. I think that's one of the things that we forget as human beings, especially when we speak about birth and women and the choice to have children or not. We're giving birth all the time. We're birthing moments, experiences, books, like your book, podcasts, moments and dinner, fellowship. We're always birthing something. I think that that's the beauty of it and the hardship is when you do those creative abortions and the idea to do something doesn't ever happen to manifest. The idea to, "I could support that person into ..."
Haize Hawke R.: Because it's not always about you, but if you could support somebody in living their dream and that fulfills you, then go ahead. Let's do that. It's not always something that you want to generate yourself, but if you can participate in it and you still feel empowered and like you did something that mattered, give birth to it.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Yes. I love that you just called it creative abortions.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah. That's what they are.
Jennifer Tracy: Because it really is.
Haize Hawke R.: It is.
Jennifer Tracy: I think of all of the, I'll call them story babies because that's what they are, that over the years I have ... They come to me through what I feel and what I believe, everybody's different, is divine. That it's not actually coming from me. I mean it's like a culmination of me. I'm going to get really woo-woo, but a culmination of me and whatever divine-
Haize Hawke R.: Meets you at that moment.
Jennifer Tracy: ... needs to communicate that story. But it'll look like, to give you an example, me thinking about a character or getting inspired with a character who's going through cancer or the loss of a child or whatever the story is. It starts to marinate, and then I just get busy with life. I don't do this any more because now this is my life's work. But I used to just get busy with life. "I can't give that focus right now." But it would just be tugging and ... like a child. "Mom, mom, mom, mom. I got to. I got to. Come on, come on, come on, come on."
Jennifer Tracy: It's those things I want to inspire and motivate and help people to say, "You know what? I'm going to give this child a moment of my time." I'm going to sit down and I'm just going to to listen to it because I just feel like there's so much healing that comes personally and then globally from those things.
Haize Hawke R.: Absolutely.
Jennifer Tracy: I'm going off on a thing.
Haize Hawke R.: I mean not everything is an extraordinary moment. We're not going to always have an East of Eden. We're not going to always have a Pillars of the Earth or a Beloved. But whatever your version of that is, is extraordinary and we have to honor the ordinary in the extraordinary, the magic of the ordinary every day.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Yes. Hence these conversations.
Haize Hawke R.: Exactly.
Jennifer Tracy: Which it's just for me this is so important. I want each listener and I hope that they're ... I think they are because I'm getting a lot of feedback from women that this is helping them. But that every person on Earth, their voice is important and so needed and worthy equally.
Haize Hawke R.: Equally. I think once everyone understands that each voice, each story, each heartbeat makes up the fabric of the family of the planet, that they will understand their worth. I mean a lot of people walking around here not feeling worthy, although we've already been born, the birthright is there. It's ours because it's so hard to be born. If you can realize that and realize that your voice, your heartbeat matters to the history of the planet, to the fabric of the interconnectedness and to the humanity on the planet, then there's no way you could just second guess yourself or say, "That's not good enough," or, "I'm not good enough," or, "Well, maybe no one cares about it. It's not important." It's all important. It's as important as you make it.
Jennifer Tracy: I want to speak to that very thing. I just recently did a poll on my Instagram. I just started doing these. It's very interesting. One of the questions I asked was, what are you struggling with right now? I got back a lot of answers.
Haize Hawke R.: Did you?
Jennifer Tracy: A couple different women had a similar answer, which was, "I struggle with feeling like I'm not enough because I'm a stay-at-home parent."
Haize Hawke R.: Which is the hardest job on the planet. It's the hardest job on the planet.
Jennifer Tracy: It just killed me. It just killed me because I just want to go, "What's more worthy?" This is where I just wish we as a society, as a planet, as a human race could just somehow value that more externally than we do. I don't know what the answer is, but you're raising a human being. You are-
Haize Hawke R.: I would ask you, was that poll done just in the States? Do you know if it went globally?
Jennifer Tracy: It was on Instagram, so the women that answered it-
Haize Hawke R.: Could you check it?
Jennifer Tracy: ... were here.
Haize Hawke R.: Were in the States?
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah.
Haize Hawke R.: Because I was going to say that sounds very much-
Jennifer Tracy: American.
Haize Hawke R.: ... located to America.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah.
Haize Hawke R.: Because being a stay-at-home mom globally is not perceived that way. The problem is here in America, we're voyeurs. We want to see. We give credit to things that we can see, not the things in the invisible. Stay-at-home parenting happens behind closed doors unless your child does something to glorify or to condemn your choices, which is ridiculous. But it's something that's very much hidden, under-appreciated. My mom stayed home. I actually remember. I haven't thought about this in a minute.
Haize Hawke R.: My mom was home until my sister was maybe 13 and then she started going back to work. She started off as a secretary, or no, a secretary assistant at a college. By the time she retired, she was president. It was amazing.
Jennifer Tracy: That's amazing.
Haize Hawke R.: That's my story of women over 40. That's when they fly.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Haize Hawke R.: You're like, you need to get older right now. You're too young. But when you get older, then you'll fly and soar because that's what I saw my mom and my grandmother do. She was a stay-at-home mom and I know what that took because she was valedictorian. She was the center for her basketball team and the MVP. She was this achiever person and she chose to stay home with us and have my dad soar and get his career. He was a lifer and then he retired. Then he was like, okay, boom, your turn. She did her thing and took off. But I remember the hard work. I remember what she would do. Living on a military base is not easy at all.
Haize Hawke R.: Making new friends each time, creating community each time. I remember us going into one base and it was a disaster. It was 2:00 in the morning and she started cleaning. She just said, "Okay, I need the box that has the supplies." My dad found it and she started cleaning. He started helping her. She sent us to bed. When we woke up-
Jennifer Tracy: It was spotless.
Haize Hawke R.: Spotless. And set up. We didn't miss a beat. Stay-at-home moms are the biggest superheroes-
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. If you want something done, ask a stay-at-home-
Haize Hawke R.: Stay-at-home dads.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah. That's not to be taken lightly.
Jennifer Tracy: It's no joke.
Haize Hawke R.: It's no joke.
Jennifer Tracy: But it killed me that that's what-
Haize Hawke R.: That's what they all said.
Jennifer Tracy: They all said that. Well, there were some that were working moms that would say and I feel ... We've talked about this on the show. Either you feel guilty that you're not home with your kids because you're working or you feel guilty that you're not working and you're home with your kids. So there's no winning.
Haize Hawke R.: There's no winning.
Jennifer Tracy: But the main thing was, and I've really experienced this myself is the suffocation of time, feeling like there's no time. How do I fit it all in? How would I fit it in? Something I've been talking about a lot lately is we have these mixed messages of self-care is so important and take the time for self-care. But you got to grind and you got to achieve and you got to-
Haize Hawke R.: That's America for you.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. It's like, well, wait. How the fuck am I supposed to do both of those things simultaneously? The answer is you can't.
Haize Hawke R.: You cannot. It's about balance.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah.
Haize Hawke R.: It's about balance. You can't do all of it. It's about choosing what's right for you in that moment. Sometimes for a mom it's about a moment. You're great if you can get a day. What's good for me today? That's a luxury. Sometimes and most of the time it's about, okay, in this moment, what do I need? In this moment, who do I need to be? In this moment, what is the best way to navigate this? It's about moments sometimes. It's not about days or weeks. When you get to that point, you've been in it for a minute. You got it together. But for a lot of women and stay-at-home dads, especially stay-at-home dads because stay-at-home dads in America, that's not the "norm." You are being looked at sideways and crazy.
Haize Hawke R.: But that also speaks to the conversation about men in America and having to just push through and emasculate everything. When we understand and get the truth, that it's about the balance of the masculine and the feminine in males and females. Nowhere do we see this more played out as in the archetypes of the male and female, the mother, the father, the husband, the wife, the birth partner. Because even same-sex couples sometimes fall into this unbeknownst to them, into the stereotype of the masculine, feminine. So it's really about walking in balance with both. And then all of that becomes ridiculousness. You don't fall into those stereotypes if you don't own them to a gender.
Haize Hawke R.: No one has to be a mother to be nurturing or female to be nurturing. I know some beautifully nurturing males and vice versa. The whole idea that we put them in this place of non-importance, that we look at them as failures-
Jennifer Tracy: You're talking about stay-at-home dads?
Haize Hawke R.: Stay-at-home dads and stay-at-home moms, both. It's really ridiculous. I think it's like anything else. It's a choice and if you choose it, it's positive. The beauty of all of this that we've got going on in this life in America is we have the power of choice. We can always re-choose. If you choose it and it doesn't work for you, re-choose. You're not stuck. From what I see, people benefit from that choice. It's a hard choice to make. It's not for the weak of heart at all.
Jennifer Tracy: Let's talk about earlier you said something about it's not easy to be born.
Haize Hawke R.: It's not.
Jennifer Tracy: So I want to hear, well, first of all, how did you get into birthing. Because we were talking about earlier, you had a post that was like, "If something asks me what I do, it's like do you have two hours because I do a lot." But as far as title for you, is it in that world of birthing? Is it doula/midwife? What is your official title?
Haize Hawke R.: I usually say healer or birth coach, birth worker, ceremonialist. It pretty much encompasses everything. This year I will be finished with midwifery school. I've been catching and doing everything for the last six years, but my journey into becoming a midwife has taken longer than most people's just because of family stuff.
Jennifer Tracy: Because you're a mom.
Haize Hawke R.: Well, I'm a mom. My mom and dad got ill at the same time. They were hospitalized at the same time, then I kept going back to take care of them. Then my sister got cancer. I went to take care of her. My grandmother got sick. I went to take care of her and take her home for the last time to her birthplace. And then I went through a divorce. I mean there was just ... And then my sister had heart failure. It was just things that stopped it. I'm all right with that because I'm really good at it now because I've been in it so long. I've got a little bit more of a confidence than I would if it'd had only taken me three years to do the medical school portion.
Haize Hawke R.: I feel a little more confident and I've garnered a lot more relationships. So I'm okay with that. But yeah, I would say birth worker, coach, birth coach, healer, ceremonialist. It's a ritual to me. It's all the healing arts to me. That's how I was saying to you that it ties into dance and theater for me because there's nothing more engaging than dealing with the heart chakras across the proscenium, the stage. That fourth wall is all about connecting with the energy in the audience and dancing too. Dancing, I felt like we were really working with the chakras of each person individually. The energy centers were opening or we were actually making them move a little bit faster. It's all the healing arts. From creating a perfect dinner party to creating a lovely meal, that it's all ceremony. It's all rituals. It's all healing. It's all birth.
Haize Hawke R.: So I think those titles do the best to describe me. I don't know how someone else would describe me. That would be interesting to find out. But some people just call me doula for all of them, the whole lump sum. And I have to explain that a doula's not medical. But some people just say I'm a life coach. That works too.
Jennifer Tracy: Interesting. How did you get into this birthing business?
Haize Hawke R.: This is the question my longtime friends from school, junior high and elementary school, ask me because they're still amazed that I'm doing this. The birth of my son is what did it. My firstborn, my son, Jahi. I was due to come. He came a little early and my midwife had this woman with her. She asked if she could be at my birth because we were a little early and no one was expecting it. She said, "Well, would it be okay if I am here to support you? Would you mind that?" I'm 26. I'm like, "Sure. No problem. Come on in the room. I'm fine." Which is amazing. Which is how I know it's spirit because we know we do better in the room where you feel the most supported and the safest with people that you know.
Jennifer Tracy: But you're like, "Yes, perfect stranger."
Haize Hawke R.: I'm like, "Sure. Come on in. Yeah, no problem." But literally an hour and a half in I say, "Okay, what is this you're doing? What is this? Who are you? What is this called? Because you're saving me." She literally was bringing oxygen in the room. She made me feel like anything was possible and I could do it. So I asked her. I asked her. I said, "Where did you learn to do this? What is this called?" She said, "I'm a doula." I was like, "Okay. What's doula?" She's explaining to me. I said, "Okay, so how did you do this? Where did you learn how to do this?" She said, "Well, you know what? How about if we talk about that later because ..."
Jennifer Tracy: You were totally multitasking.
Haize Hawke R.: Oh my gosh. I was like, "No, no, no. No, no. I really want to know."
Jennifer Tracy: I need to do the research now. I need to do research right now while I'm dilating.
Haize Hawke R.: She said, "I'll tell you later." But literally it kept pulling me. So I actually was writing things down-
Jennifer Tracy: While you're giving-
Haize Hawke R.: ... in between contractions.
Jennifer Tracy: No. Oh my God.
Haize Hawke R.: In between. My really good friend and dharma sister, Vida Vierra, was there with me. She's like, "You're nuts. You're crazy." But I was asking her details and I wanted to know what she did that got her to this point. So I wrote down everything. She said, "Honey, you're not going to be able to do this. You're going to have a baby." I said, "No, no. But when I'm done I'm going to do it." Literally when my son weaned himself at three years old from nursing, that's when I began my journey. I did pretty much everything that she had done.
Haize Hawke R.: She had a background in massage therapy. I chose the one that worked for me and I got certified in that. Nutrition, herbology, homeopathy, life coaching, everything that she did besides the doula program she did. I did what was then called ALACE, the acronym was ALACE. A.L.A.C.E. I think it's called something else now. I couldn't even tell you what it is. But I did that twice and I did a program that was started by a woman who is now my preceptor as a midwife. Her and another midwife, Michelle Gerard, and Tonya Brooks, they created this thing called ACHI. I did that twice just because I felt like you needed more than ... I just felt like a weekend wasn't enough.
Haize Hawke R.: I wanted to be like her and she was seasoned. I wanted to do it that way because she was like the auntie in the room that everyone called, Madame Zanoski or Madame Nia or Madame Zay, whatever. She had that other wisdom as well as the traditional medical thing. So I wanted that. And then that led me into I began as a postpartum doula because very early on in the '90s I felt like that was the missing piece.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Oh my God.
Haize Hawke R.: Who knew that that was true? But that's where I started, in nutrition and giving couples that cohesiveness to stay together because that first year is traumatic.
Jennifer Tracy: God, I wish I would have had you. I'll tell you my story in a minute, but wow.
Haize Hawke R.: Okay. And then I became a birth assistant and a labor doula. And then me being a birth assistant led me to deciding to go to midwifery school. Why I began midwifery school is because I wanted people who weren't choosing a home birth to have the same rights and information that you get from a midwifery care practice. It's such a beautifully designed, holistic practice that takes care of the whole woman, family, body, all of it. That's what I wanted to do.
Haize Hawke R.: So now here I am, almost done with midwifery school, very much in my doula practice. I'm straddling two worlds, which are totally different worlds. One's medical and one is not. I've got to choose where I'm going to land.
Jennifer Tracy: Wow.
Haize Hawke R.: I want to choose that which I am most effective in. I've been asking my community to inform me what they think and what they see. Right now in America, there are not enough midwives of color. So that's probably where I'm going to end up landing, but I cannot see me turning my back on somebody who asks me to support them in a hospital birth that they would like to view as sacred and un-invasive and normal. So I'm probably going to do that too. We'll see. I have to create a really great team to be able to empower everything to happen.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. That's exciting.
Haize Hawke R.: Isn't that fun?
Jennifer Tracy: Oh wow.
Haize Hawke R.: I feel good about it. I feel good about it.
Jennifer Tracy: What a journey.
Haize Hawke R.: It's been a long journey. I have to say, there were times when I was very discouraged and I just thought, you know what? If this doesn't happen now, if this doesn't happen this year, I'm done. But I've had people who supported me like Crimson Midwifery, Crimson Fig, which is Racha's practice and Debbie Allen's practice, which is Tribe Midwifery, and Robin Poole would push, who would just keep inspiring me to keep going and to not give up even though life has been happening. It's doing it for a reason. I don't feel like anything has been for naught.
Jennifer Tracy: Isn't it interesting how we put time limits on stuff? Like you just said, if it doesn't happen this year, I'm done. I've done that so many times with certain things as if I have this ... I can't think of the word I'm looking for, like a measuring stick that's like now, it's going to happen now. It's just like it's going to happen.
Haize Hawke R.: It doesn't matter when I do it. It just matters that I do it.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Haize Hawke R.: So you're right. You're right. We give up these self-imposed limitations to ourselves but that's not really it because impact on our journey ... I could say the same for you because you're just now getting to this place where you're owning this podcast as life, right?
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Haize Hawke R.: But your journey has impacted lots of people.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. Yeah. And continues. I don't know what it's going to look like. Sometimes I get nervous and scared-
Haize Hawke R.: Right. But can you imagine if you stopped?
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. It would suck.
Haize Hawke R.: It would be-
Jennifer Tracy: It'd be a bummer.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: It would be an aborted-
Haize Hawke R.: A creative abortion, exactly.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, creative abortion.
Haize Hawke R.: We don't want those.
Jennifer Tracy: No. How many births do you do average, a month?
Haize Hawke R.: As a client, I only take two a month.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay.
Haize Hawke R.: Now, if I'm assisting someone or if I am called into something, if I can do it, I do those. So it looks like ... I know on my Instagram people are like, "Oh my gosh. You've had like-"
Jennifer Tracy: 30 babies.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah. A month. I don't. We do support each other in the community. It's not all very ... Some people think it's very competitive. It's not cutthroat. It's not competitive. We support each other if we can. So if someone calls me and says, "Hey, can you sit on a client for me?" Or, "Can you back me up for this?" Of course I'm going to do it if I have the free time. That's how it ends up where it looks like I'm doing a lot.
Jennifer Tracy: I see.
Haize Hawke R.: But I will only take two clients a month because I don't want to miss clients, which is why I get booked way ahead. But I take birth coaching clients. I can take as many of those as-
Jennifer Tracy: What does that look like? What is birth coaching?
Haize Hawke R.: Birth coaching means just you've hired your team and you want a little extra support.
Jennifer Tracy: For the day of?
Haize Hawke R.: For the pregnancy or the day of or whatever. I have clients all over the United States who call me and ask me questions that they just don't feel like they got another answer to or they want the spiritual, sacred side of it, which is my specialty. If you want birth as the spiritual or birth as sacred, then you're looking for me. You're looking for Racha. You're looking for Lori. There's some people who really believe in that aspect of it and more now. When I started, there wasn't many people doing that as doulas. Now you can find that in a doula. It's beautiful because it is a beautiful moment that should be honored. It's a rite of passage.
Haize Hawke R.: I feel that it is one of the missing components to the care of a mama, care of a birth partner, and the care of a family. It's bringing that element of the sacred back in. When birth and death were taken out of the home, the house, the family life, it became this unknown quantity that's to be feared. When you bring that element back in, so for as a birth doula and a death doula, I see the similarities. I see the beautiful synchronicity. When you bring it back into the room, the honoring of life and the understanding of the wisdom being brought in ... There's a tribe in Africa where that child that's born had a song created for it. That song, and this is where my tradition of the songs from my family came from.
Haize Hawke R.: My kids each have a song. That song I sing on their birthdays and that's their song. It won't be sung when they pass. That song will end when they pass away. That's how this tribe does. They honor the song. That song is sung at moments of achievement, moments of despair, moments of where they need determination, they need support. It's sung in crucial milestone moments that are rites of passage in their lives. And then at their deathbed, it's sung for the last time. It's a beautiful thing, but when you get that, when you get what the life means ... First of all, several things would be solved, abuse, molestation.
Haize Hawke R.: All these major things that impact the lives of a child would be solved because you would never degradate the magic that's just come through because you understand where it's coming from. And then you understand the honoring of it. Then when they leave, you have nothing but reverence. So I don't know. I don't have the answers to it, but I feel that that's a big piece of it and that's what I bring and what a lot of doulas and midwives are now bringing. It's beautiful. It's beautiful to witness. It's important.
Jennifer Tracy: It's so gorgeous. I mean I wish, I'll say it again just because I do. I wish I would have had you for me just ... I didn't know what I was going to need. I had to really pull teeth just to get my husband to let me have a doula in the room because he just didn't understand. He just didn't understand it. But I needed so much support afterwards. I didn't have any and I didn't know how to ask for it. I didn't know where to ask for it. I didn't have family. It was just me alone with this newborn, bloody nipples because he wasn't latching on.
Haize Hawke R.: Oh my gosh.
Jennifer Tracy: It was terrifying. It was terrifying. I would have just gone into debt hiring someone to come every day or whatever it is, whatever it looked like, because I just felt so alone. I know so many women experience that in different ways.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah. It's true. I am very proud to be a part of a practice, a care, a community organization that does such mindful support of a postpartum family. Midwifery care and how most doulas practice is that we are seeing the clients after the baby is born immediately. I know that I had a client and she was released from the hospital, straightforward, beautiful birth, really awesome. She went home and this was early on in my practice. She told me that the doctor was not going to see her until she was six weeks, which I thought was ridiculous. We now know that anything that can happen is happening in those first six weeks. So the fact that they weren't going to see her ...
Haize Hawke R.: Now we see that there's a move to change these things. But until they're fully and completely changed, this is the norm. Unless you have had a C-section, then you'll be seen at two weeks. But then not again until six weeks.
Jennifer Tracy: Which is also crazy.
Haize Hawke R.: Which is also crazy. We're looking for those ways that we can be helpful, where we can be support. We are trying to prevent damage. I'm looking at a client. I'm doing preventative care. I'm looking at something. I'm saying, "Okay, this could be a problem in two weeks, four weeks, 10 weeks, three months." I want to look and see if I can be a help, otherwise my work has not been done. So I'm looking to see how I can support the mom in lactation. I've got a lot of resources. I am blessed to know some amazing lactation specialists and amazing people who they're committed to either helping milk being produced or helping moms emotionally or helping moms with the actual latching on.
Haize Hawke R.: This is something that we know is an art form and we know can take possibly longer than two days, three days, six weeks. Sometimes I've worked with clients up until two months until they get it. But then they get it. It's an art form for a reason. It takes practice. It is a partnership with you and your baby. And then you have the whole idea of the hormones. Everything leaves, drops out, and then a new set comes in. So you've got that on top of nursing. Then you've got relationship issues on top of that. Everyone's fatigued and stressed out. People are telling you how to do things, how to change a diaper, how to nurse, or you really should rock the baby this way.
Haize Hawke R.: It's very hard to listen to your own voice. We are very clear that it's important to not tell the birth parents or birth families what to do or how to do it, but to instill in them a way for them to listen to their own voice and their own languaging about what works for them. So I always say that my job is to help you find the rhythm and the rhythm of the new baby with your rhythm that's already existing. Sometimes it's a rhythm of three. Sometimes it's a rhythm of four, including fur babies, because that all ... I mean if you have a couple of dogs who think they're alpha and you have a child, there's an issue. So speaking to all of that to help a family thrive.
Haize Hawke R.: I have to say, the difference for me through midwifery care and the medical model is that we want the families to thrive so much so that it shows in our aftercare. Not saying anything, I have some great friends who are OB/GYNs and who really love and believe in the practice and who inspire me actually. We work together to achieve that. But as a whole, the medical model just lets you go.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh yeah. It's just like, "Bye. You're good."
Haize Hawke R.: And then you're on your own. No, not okay.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. It's so lonely-
Haize Hawke R.: It's lonely.
Jennifer Tracy: ... out there.
Haize Hawke R.: It is.
Jennifer Tracy: I mean I definitely felt abandoned. My poor husband, we're divorced now. We're very amicable. But at the time, his sole focus was like, "Fuck, I got to work."
Haize Hawke R.: Exactly.
Jennifer Tracy: "I was unemployed for two months. I got to work. I got to work. I got to work." In his mind, it was like I've got a wife and a child. I've got to work. We came home from the hospital and he took a job-
Haize Hawke R.: Immediately.
Jennifer Tracy: ... immediately. He was gone 14 hours a day because that's ... He wasn't trying to a dick.
Haize Hawke R.: No, but that's what society tells him to do.
Jennifer Tracy: Right.
Haize Hawke R.: So as far as society is concerned, he did what he was supposed to do.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes.
Haize Hawke R.: Now, who he is as a human being, I'm pretty sure was conflicted.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh yeah.
Haize Hawke R.: Felt awful because what man doesn't want to be with his ... You know what I mean? Or have a relationship. You don't want to wait til seven years old to forge a relationship because now your kid can ... I believe it's very important for fathers, males, birth partners, whatever you want to say to get that oxytocin as much as the mom. It's about the two of you and you both deserve it. It's yours. Before anyone else gets it. Before anyone says, "Okay. Can I hold your baby?" "No. My husband's going to hold the baby." So that you can forge that bond that makes you make those hard choices because otherwise, we will listen to the stories and the things that society tells us.
Haize Hawke R.: Unfortunately, society's winning. Unfortunately, it's very rare that you ... I love it. I'm blessed because I tend to have these dads or these birth partners who are very much whatever the mama needs. "My job has an issue. Okay, that means I got to figure some stuff out. I'll stay here for now, but I'm looking at the long run here." So they're already look at what they need to do later. They're just really clear about being a part of that family life. It's going to change the whole dynamic of America if we can keep that going. I mean we're blessed. We're in Los Angeles. We are an outlier. We're on the precipice of the United States.
Jennifer Tracy: It's got a ways to go.
Haize Hawke R.: It's got a ways to go.
Jennifer Tracy: I mean my thing, and I feel like I talk about this probably too much on the show is I have a son. You have a son. For me, that's where I can make a difference.
Haize Hawke R.: Exactly. Your upbringing of your son. Okay. Listen.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. Let's hear it. Let's get it. Let's do it.
Haize Hawke R.: I kind of feel something for the woman who is with my son because my son is so clear on health, on spirituality, on communication, on the way he's going to do things that she ... Basically I feel like my son's going to bring in Michelle Obama. I just feel like she's going to be older, first of all. She's going to be an older woman and she's going to be somebody who is for the upliftment of humanity, purposeful in action, intention, and duty. She's going to have to be because I'm sure ... I mean my son has witnessed the birth of my children, how I chose, why I chose, and how I live my life. He's always one who to this day I can go to if I say, "Okay, I just need some feedback real quick."
Haize Hawke R.: I love that I can do that to my son, that I can ask him for that because I respect him. I can say, "I need some feedback. So how am I doing on this?" And he'll tell me honestly and completely. So if he'll tell me, he's going to tell her. I wish her luck. I do. I wish her all ... You got this girl, whoever you are was with my grandbabies.
Jennifer Tracy: I know, right?
Haize Hawke R.: I'm with you.
Jennifer Tracy: I know. I know. I know. It's true. I'm not worried about it, but I do think it's going to be interesting observing how he makes that he makes that selection process, whatever it is.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah, right?
Jennifer Tracy: But he's a real romantic.
Haize Hawke R.: Is he?
Jennifer Tracy: I mean he had this babysitter the other night, this beautiful young woman. We drove up and she parked. I said, "I'll be right back out with the pass." I said, "She's so pretty, isn't she?" I don't normally do that, but she just was glowing and her energy was so sweet and I just commented on it to him. He said, "She sure is. Her boyfriend's a lucky man." Just like that. He's nine.
Haize Hawke R.: Aw. Oh no. He's nine? Okay. I'm living for that.
Jennifer Tracy: He's very romantic.
Haize Hawke R.: Her boyfriend's a lucky man.
Jennifer Tracy: Her boyfriend's a lucky man. Not a lucky guy-
Haize Hawke R.: A lucky man.
Jennifer Tracy: A lucky man.
Haize Hawke R.: So he already perceives himself as a contemporary. I love that.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah.
Haize Hawke R.: I love that. He's an old soul.
Jennifer Tracy: He's catching himself because he's surrounded by the culture and just the world we're in. We went to see a friend of mine who had a book signing at Barnes & Noble.
Haize Hawke R.: Oh nice.
Jennifer Tracy: It was St. Patrick's Day. It was wonderful. They had Irish dancers. These high school girls came in. I said, "Did you enjoy the show and the signing?" He said, "Yeah, because there were hot girls." I just kind of gave him a look. He goes, "I get it. I stand corrected. You're right. They were beautiful dancers." I said, "You can say hot girls." He goes, "No, no, no." He goes, "It's kind of yucky. I don't want to be that guy."
Haize Hawke R.: That's his peers showing, huh?
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. He's learning where it feels good for him, what feels right for him.
Haize Hawke R.: That's great.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah, anyway. Let me check the time because-
Haize Hawke R.: That's amazing.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my gosh, yeah. It's 12:19.
Haize Hawke R.: Is it really? Oh no. Did you have something else you really wanted to ...
Jennifer Tracy: Let me think, let me think. I mean I have a list of questions I always end with.
Haize Hawke R.: Okay.
Jennifer Tracy: I just love you. I just love you so much.
Haize Hawke R.: Thank you.
Jennifer Tracy: I mean I knew it. I was like this is going to be an epic conversation that could go on for three hours. But we'll just have to have you back on the show another time.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah. We'll do it again.
Jennifer Tracy: What happens now is I end every interview with three questions. I ask the same three questions. And then I do a fun lightning round of just silly questions we have fun with.
Haize Hawke R.: Oh okay.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay. The first question is, Haize, what do you think about when you hear the word, MILF?
Haize Hawke R.: Lovely. I just think, lovely. Just keep it juicy. I love keeping things juicy. I feel like life should be juicy. So when I hear MILF, I'm like oh yeah, that's lovely.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Yes. I love that. What is something you've changed your mind about recently?
Haize Hawke R.: Something I've changed my mind about recently. Oh, you know what? This is really interesting. I know this is supposed to be short, but here we go.
Jennifer Tracy: No, no. Take your time. It doesn't have to be short.
Haize Hawke R.: I've actually changed my thoughts on the news and watching the news and hearing because, and I'll tell you, because I want to ... I am not the status quo. I am not even in a demographic. The people I hang out with are not either. So what's happening on the news and the newspapers, on TV shows, the people that they're speaking about, they're not reflecting my community. So I want to see what it is. I've changed my ideas about taking in just a little bit of the commentary. I'm very selective about where I get it from. So I watch the BBC, because I grew up with that. That gives a very clear, it's not colored by nothing.
Haize Hawke R.: I watch that and every now and then I will watch ... I would do the first few minutes of The View and the first few minutes of Fox & Friends so I can see the polarizing. And I will look at, what's the Christian Broadcast Network's thing? I forget.
Jennifer Tracy: I don't know.
Haize Hawke R.: But I will look at that because that gives me a demographic that I feel speaks to ... Because what I want to do is be able to empower women throughout America to have the birth that they would desire and to take control of their bodies and their birth, to have informed consent, and to have an empowered, un-invasive, natural, normal labor. So I need to know what they're talking about. I need to hear what they think. So I've been doing that. But I can only do five minutes of each. But the opening's all I need. And then I just let it go.
Haize Hawke R.: But then I sit there and process it and then let it go so that it doesn't make my body fall or just crumble in on itself. So I've changed my mind about the news, what I used to call the constantly negative news I now take as an informative moment in the news. And then I let it go.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that.
Haize Hawke R.: I know. I was surprised at myself.
Jennifer Tracy: I love that.
Haize Hawke R.: Although I do watch CBS News This Morning. I love that. CBS This Morning, have you seen that?
Jennifer Tracy: No, I don't.
Haize Hawke R.: It comes on CBS. I used to watch it with my mom growing up. It's two hours of life in America. It's beautiful. Art, life, politics, everything, but it's a beautiful, well-rounded scope.
Jennifer Tracy: That's on Sunday mornings?
Haize Hawke R.: That's on Sundays. So I'm going between that and whatever else I put on to play to catch up on. It's good. That works for me. I'm surprised, but there it is.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it.
Haize Hawke R.: My sister is shocked.
Jennifer Tracy: Is she?
Haize Hawke R.: She's like, "You're watching what?" I said, "I'm watching the news." She was like, "Okay."
Jennifer Tracy: How do you define success?
Haize Hawke R.: Happiness. A happiness that is based in joy that's constant.
Jennifer Tracy: Yummy. Lightning round of questions.
Haize Hawke R.: Okay.
Jennifer Tracy: Ocean or desert?
Haize Hawke R.: Ocean.
Jennifer Tracy: Favorite junk food?
Haize Hawke R.: I don't do junk food too much. You know what-
Jennifer Tracy: Or a healthy junk food.
Haize Hawke R.: Okay. Healthy junk food? Is it a junk food though? Is edamame a junk food?
Jennifer Tracy: I mean if you go to Erewhon or Whole Foods, what do you go for when you're like, "I want something sweet?"
Haize Hawke R.: Kale chips.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh yum. Which kind? The flavored kind?
Haize Hawke R.: It's just, yeah, it's got the nutritional yeast on it.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Those are really good.
Haize Hawke R.: It's good. Makes your teeth look crazy.
Jennifer Tracy: It makes your teeth look crazy.
Haize Hawke R.: But it's good.
Jennifer Tracy: Have you ever made kale chips?
Haize Hawke R.: No, because I usually don't have that much time. If I'm cooking, I'm cooking.
Jennifer Tracy: True. They're so yummy.
Haize Hawke R.: How do you make them?
Jennifer Tracy: I just get the dino kale, so it's those long, thin strips. You cut it-
Haize Hawke R.: So dino kale's the black kale?
Jennifer Tracy: I guess it is. It's very, very dark green.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah.
Jennifer Tracy: It's long, thin. It looks like a long, thin leaf. Well, it is a long, thin leaf. Hello. So you're cutting the spine out so it's just the leaf part. Olive oil, salt, pepper if you want, I don't use pepper. 20 minutes at 400. Ridiculous.
Haize Hawke R.: 20 minutes, 400.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah.
Haize Hawke R.: Got it. Next time we talk-
Jennifer Tracy: Crispy and they're warm out of ... It's heaven.
Haize Hawke R.: Oh warm.
Jennifer Tracy: Warm. Warm kale chips.
Haize Hawke R.: I've never had a warm kale chip.
Jennifer Tracy: Warm, crispy kale chips.
Haize Hawke R.: Okay. That could do it. That could do it.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay. Movies or Broadway show?
Haize Hawke R.: Broadway show.
Jennifer Tracy: Daytime sex or nighttime sex?
Haize Hawke R.: Ooh, sex any time. Are you kidding?
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. That was Suzanne's answer too.
Haize Hawke R.: Sex is always great. [crosstalk 01:06:31]. Of course it was. All my friends will say the same thing. Sex is the best thing, sex and sleep. Love it.
Jennifer Tracy: Sex and sleep.
Haize Hawke R.: I mean those are the two best things ever on the planet any time.
Jennifer Tracy: Cat person or dog person?
Haize Hawke R.: Doggie.
Jennifer Tracy: Have you ever worn a unitard? You must have in your dance days.
Haize Hawke R.: I did. I think I did. I think I did at Campbell Hall.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh really?
Haize Hawke R.: Campbell Junior, not this Campbell Hall in LA. Wait, did we wear a unitard? I was on a dance drill team.
Jennifer Tracy: Must have.
Haize Hawke R.: Yeah, I know I did. I can't say when it was, but I'm sure we were dancing to Peaches and Herb, Shake Your Groove Thing, in a unitard-
Jennifer Tracy: That's awesome, yes.
Haize Hawke R.: (singing) Can you imagine?
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God. I need to dig it out. I have-
Haize Hawke R.: Do they have unitards still?
Jennifer Tracy: Oh they're back in fashion now.
Haize Hawke R.: No.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh yes.
Haize Hawke R.: Because of the onesies? Why?
Jennifer Tracy: You mean the furry onesies?
Haize Hawke R.: No, but why are unitards back in style?
Jennifer Tracy: They're just the thing.
Haize Hawke R.: People just walk around in them?
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah.
Haize Hawke R.: With boots and heels and-
Jennifer Tracy: With belts and boots and yeah. It's like they're going to the clubs-
Haize Hawke R.: Oh no.
Jennifer Tracy: ... in their unitard.
Haize Hawke R.: Girl, I need you to take a photo and just send me that the next time you see one.
Jennifer Tracy: I will. I will. I totally will. But I need to dig out the photo of me and I think I was 14, 13 or 14, in a Smurf blue unitard. I mean long-sleeved, Smurf blue unitard-
Haize Hawke R.: Smurfette?
Jennifer Tracy: In suburbia with a bunch of kids dancing in the mall, in the middle of the mall. Why were we-
Haize Hawke R.: What were you doing?
Jennifer Tracy: I don't know. I was in dance troupe. We were dancing to this cheesy pop song in the '80s. It was so horrible. It was this ugliest thing.
Haize Hawke R.: Your face right now.
Jennifer Tracy: It was horrible. It was horrible.
Haize Hawke R.: I guess because your face is really stressed.
Jennifer Tracy: Because I'm wondering. I'm thinking about it going, "Did we have camel toes or were we just too young to have camel toes?"
Haize Hawke R.: No. Please say-
Jennifer Tracy: Or did I wear tights underneath it so as not to have a camel toe?
Haize Hawke R.: They had us wear shorts on top of ours.
Jennifer Tracy: That's maybe what it was.
Haize Hawke R.: I remember that we had red shorts on top of these horrific ... I just don't understand. Unitards are never okay.
Jennifer Tracy: It's torture. It's torture, but we've all worn one at some time.
Haize Hawke R.: We all have. Yes.
Jennifer Tracy: Shower or bathtub?
Haize Hawke R.: Bath. Oh my gosh. I could do three-hour baths. Are you kidding?
Jennifer Tracy: With some nice Epsom salts and some oils.
Haize Hawke R.: Epsom salt, oils, good music, a great book, usually [inaudible 01:09:02] or something like that and I'm in.
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. Me too. That's my weekend delight when I don't have my kid.
Jennifer Tracy: Ice cream or chocolate?
Haize Hawke R.: Chocolate.
Jennifer Tracy: What kind of chocolate?
Haize Hawke R.: I like a really lovely dark chocolate that's warmed up because I heat up the dark chocolate bar. I just take a square, heat it up. Put it in the pan, heat it up a little bit, and then I just lick it off.
Jennifer Tracy: Oh my God. That's so sexy.
Haize Hawke R.: Isn't that good? I know. In the bath, with the music and a good book. Listen to me. I am a Scorpio for a reason.
Jennifer Tracy: Equals orgasm.
Haize Hawke R.: Exactly. Any time you can have an orgasm, do.
Jennifer Tracy: Yes. Multiple. What is your ... Oh no, I'm sorry. I skipped one. On a scale of one to 10, how good are you at ping pong?
Haize Hawke R.: I don't think I've ever played it.
Jennifer Tracy: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Haize Hawke R.: I don't think I've thought about it.
Jennifer Tracy: Okay.
Haize Hawke R.: Pet peeves are things that annoy you, right?
Jennifer Tracy: Yeah. I'll tell you mine. Mine is when I'm getting off an elevator and people just pile right in.
Haize Hawke R.: Oh okay.
Jennifer Tracy: No, you have to wait-
Haize Hawke R.: You wait.
Jennifer Tracy: ... for people to get out. There's an etiquette to elevator going.
Haize Hawke R.: I think one of my biggest pet peeves is when people are being so right, they don't listen. Yeah, not listening and being so judgmental.
Jennifer Tracy: Let's see, if you could push a button and it would create 10 years of world peace, but it would also place a 100-year ban on all beauty products, would you push it?
Haize Hawke R.: Oh yeah. Oh hell yeah. Where's that button? I'll push it right now.
Jennifer Tracy: Superpower choice. Invisibility, ability to fly, or super strength?
Haize Hawke R.: Fly.
Jennifer Tracy: The last question is what was the name of your first pet?
Haize Hawke R.: CG.
Jennifer Tracy: What was the name of the street that you grew up on?
Haize Hawke R.: Let's see, the first street I can remember-
Jennifer Tracy: Just pick one. It doesn't have to be-
Haize Hawke R.: Oakwood.
Jennifer Tracy: What is the name of the pet?
Haize Hawke R.: CG. No, actually it was Gemna. Gemna.
Jennifer Tracy: Your porn name is Gemna Oakwood.
Haize Hawke R.: Woohoo.
Jennifer Tracy: Gemna Oakwood.
Haize Hawke R.: Gemna.
Jennifer Tracy: She's not from here. She's not from around here.
Haize Hawke R.: She wouldn't be from around here.
Jennifer Tracy: No.
Haize Hawke R.: She's very able-bodied though. She's flexible, as it were.
Jennifer Tracy: I love it. Oh my God. Haize, I love you so much. Thank you so much for being on the show.
Haize Hawke R.: Thank you. This was so much fun.
Jennifer Tracy: You're a treasure.
Haize Hawke R.: I appreciate it.
Jennifer Tracy: Thanks so much for listening, guys. Join me next week for a fresh episode of MILF Podcast. See you next time.